waking up description creative writing

When and How to Write a Character Waking Up

Writing about a character waking up can be a challenge, especially since waking up is something we do in a semiconscious state. It can be tough to pinpoint exactly how it feels, and that makes it difficult to write convincingly. In addition to that, writers seem split on when to start a scene with a character waking up, and whether you should do it at all.

Is It Bad To Start a Scene with a Character Waking Up?

If you’ve ever been in a creative writing or fiction class, then you’ve definitely been told that it is a bad idea to start a story or scene with your main character waking up. Most experienced writers and instructors strongly advise against it. But why? Is it always a bad idea?

And really, the answer is no; you can pull off a good waking up scene that draws readers into the story. By writing a character waking up in a specific way, you can set the tone for the rest of the scene and offer a unique glimpse into the character’s personality.

However, people tend to discourage starting a scene like this, not because it is inherently bad, but because it is a tactic often used lazily. Many beginner writers rely on this technique as an easy way to transition between scenes. If the transition is abrupt, glossed over, or otherwise disregarded by the writer, then it definitely won’t be taken seriously by the reader.

If you’re considering starting a scene, or your entire story, with your main character waking up, take a moment to consider why you want to write it like that. Do you have a good reason to? Is there another way you could start it? If you don’t have a good reason for writing it like that, you probably shouldn’t do it.

When to Write a Character Waking Up

If you’re going to show a character waking up, make sure there’s a good reason for it. If you just don’t know how else to start a story, and you have your character wake up and start making coffee, chances are your readers are going to get bored.

If you want to keep your readers interested, focus on the implications of waking up. If your character is awake, then they have to do something. What is it they have to do? Are they looking forward to it, or dreading it? Do they struggle to get up, because they are injured, hungover, or groggy? Give the readers something to think about. Instead of just telling them the character is waking up, let them wonder why the character reacts a certain way when they do get up.

The act of waking up is not inherently interesting, so it is your job to present it in an interesting way. Use it as a way of emphasizing something, like your character’s memories, fears, habits, and plans. Make waking up a point to focus on, instead of just a lazy transition. And, however tempting it may be, do not overuse this technique. If every scene starts with the character waking up, it’s going to feel mundane.

If your character suffers from insomnia, then you may find yourself writing many scenes with them waking up, often still tired. If you want some guidance for writing about that specifically, I have another article that could help you out: Losing Sleep Over How to Write a Character with Insomnia?

How to Describe Waking Up

Waking up is a fundamental part of being human; we all do it. The next time you wake up in the morning or from a nap, try to focus on how it feels. Don’t reach for your phone or the lights, and instead think about what it feels like to come back to reality. Were you dreaming? Did you wake up slowly or abruptly? Did you set an alarm? How soon after waking up did you get out of bed? If you focus on how it really feels to do something in your life, you’ll be able to write about it more convincingly.

With that said, obviously not everyone wakes up the same way. And of course, waking up in the middle of the night with a hangover is going to feel different from sleeping in late on a weekend. Writing about different situations is going to require different strategies.

(As a side note, if you want to write about drunk or hungover characters, I recommend taking a peek at my other article: How to Write a Drunk Character. )

How to Describe Someone Waking Up in the Morning

Waking up in the morning is generally pretty mundane, but there are ways to make it interesting.

If the character wakes up naturally, then try to draw the scene out so it progresses in a slow and sleepy manner. Introduce details one at a time and try to show the process of things coming into focus. In general, try to avoid actually writing the phrase “things came into focus,” since you can show your readers how that feels instead of telling them that it’s happening.

Overload the scene with descriptive language and details. Bring the scene to life as much as possible, and really set the stage for the rest of the story. Describe what the character hears when they wake up, to clue the readers in to where the character lives. Do they hear birds or busy city streets? Do they hear nothing at all? What about how they feel? Is it cold? Bright?

Don’t just let readers know that the character is awake, let them experience what the character feels as they are waking up. In addition to the physical details, include little hints about the character’s personality based on how they feel about waking up. Instead of just mentioning the sounds of the city, you could describe it with negative language, to suggest that the character hates living in the city. Or, focus on the serene calmness of the sounds of nature and the coziness of the bed, to create a comfortable feeling right off the bat.

Alternatively, if the character wakes up to an alarm, they are probably going to wake up abruptly, and with less time to absorb their surroundings. Alarm clocks represent structure and routine, and your readers will immediately associate the character with being more systematic and less carefree. You should still set the scene with some descriptions to orient your audience, but in general, you should strive to cut back on the flowery language. The character needed to wake up to do something, so they can’t waste time listening to birds.

How to Describe Someone Waking Up from a Nightmare

Like with an alarm clock, a person waking up from a nightmare is going to wake up rather suddenly. They probably won’t be paying attention to the details of the room, and instead, are going to be disoriented and frantic. A nightmare triggers the body’s fight-or-flight reflex, so the character’s heart will be beating fast, and they will be alert and ready to act to defend themself from whatever they were dreaming about.

After waking up, the character will need to calm down before they can get on with the story. This is a great opportunity to explore the impact of the nightmare and the sentiment of the character. Are bad dreams commonplace, or is the character unused to waking up like this? Is the nightmare an echo of a bad memory, or the result of some supernatural influence?

Have the character think about the details of the dream after the fact, but do not explain the entire dream for the readers. Give little hints about what it could mean to give readers something to think about. If the dream is foreshadowing a future event or an ongoing struggle, don’t give everything away right from the beginning!

Your character may have a difficult time coming back to reality after a nightmare. When this happens, they could experience sleep paralysis upon waking up. This is when a person is unable to speak or move for several minutes after waking up, and may hallucinate seeing or feeling an evil presence like a demon, a figure from their past, or something they fear. You could use this as a tactic to extend the nightmare into the character’s waking life, to emphasize the impact the nightmares have on them.

If you want to read more about how to incorporate dreams and nightmares into your story, check out my article: Writing About Dreams and Nightmares .

How to Describe Someone Waking Up from Being Unconscious

If your character “fell asleep” as a result of getting knocked on the head then they aren’t going to wake up the same way as they would any other time. The first thing they’re going to notice as they wake up is how bad their head hurts. A person has to be hit really hard to lose consciousness, so your character is in for a pretty bad headache when they come to, and they’re going to notice the pain before they can register any other sensation. Make sure that is the first thing you mention unless the character is woken up forcefully by another character, a loud sound, or something else.

Once the character has had time to overcome the pain, they’re probably going to be pretty disoriented. Show the character trying to work through exactly what happened before they fell unconscious, and have them try to sort through what they know and don’t know. Was it a bad fall? A fight? How much do they even remember? Help the readers along by having the character search for context, like what time it is, where they are, and how they managed to get hurt.

Keep in mind that a character who is struck in the head hard enough to knock them out will endure a concussion. The article How to Write About Brain Damage (Accurately!) can walk you through the specifics of including that detail in your story.

How to Describe Someone Waking Up in an Unfamiliar Place

The perfect time to execute a scene that begins with the character waking up is with a kidnapping. Your character will be just as confused as the readers, and you can use that as your hook to keep readers engaged.

If your character wakes up in an unfamiliar place, chances are, the first thing they’re going to do is start to panic. They may start to wake up groggily, but as soon as they realize they may be in danger, adrenaline is going to kick in and they’ll be fully awake in less than a second.

They’re going to look around at everything to try to figure out where they are, so make sure you describe the scene in as much detail as possible. However, avoid the flowery language. If your character is terrified, they’re going to look at things and not really think about them much, so describe things quickly and visually—and move on.

In this case, waking up isn’t the focus. Have the character realize the situation quickly, so they can progress the story. If they can’t move because they’re tied up, then they might start trying to think of how they got there, and who could be behind it. But in general, the character isn’t going to waste a whole lot of time before they start trying to do something to get out of the situation.

Some Parting Thoughts

No one should be able to tell you what you definitively should or should not write. There isn’t a wrong way to tell a story. If you think starting a scene with a character waking up is the best way to do that, then don’t let anyone stop you. It’s your story after all, and if you write it with care and passion, it’s going to be interesting.

If someone tells you not to write something, don’t take that advice at face value. Try to think about why they’re giving you that advice, and why they think it would help you. It’s not that starting a scene with a character waking up is bad, it’s just that most people don’t do it well. When people tell you not to do it, they’re actually telling you not to use cheap tricks to avoid writing difficult transitions. If you know how to handle a character waking up, then there’s no reason to shy away from putting it in your story.

Write that Scene

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How to Write a Wake-Up Scene

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Note: For those of you who are thinking about publishing, please use this wisely. One of the five openings to avoid is a wake-up scene. Agents usually hate them, however, for those are you who are writing a short story for school or are writing fanfiction, or are writing just for fun, then by all means go ahead and use this. Ultimately, you can do anything you like. So if it feels totally right to you then start with this opening scene.

» A. Keep in mind the three MAIN ways to start a wake-up scene:

Example 1: BOOM! A loud noise sounded from downstairs. “It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen,” Jim thought out loud. He had jumped out of his bed and landed face-down on the floor. The entire night he was alert; just yesterday someone threatened to murderer his whole family. He didn’t take that person seriously but now Jim was beginning to think he should have.

Make the scene portray your character’s personality.

» A. Third POV is great for suspense scenes, because the reader’s view is completely objective. Use it if you want to put a more pronounced accent on the MC’s reactions and inner thoughts.

Example 2:

He freaked out when he didn’t hear the sound of his wife singing in the kitchen or when he didn’t smell the pancakes she makes every morning. “Make she went out,” Jim said, trying to reason with himself. “And make that loud explosive noise was just, he driving in to the car door again. Yeah, that’s it.”

He didn’t want to leave his room yet; what if it was too dangerous. For all he knew either his family was dead and the murderer stood right outside his bedroom door, waiting for him, or his family was perfectly fine and he overreacted.

Jim, still half asleep, grabbed his robe, paced around his bedroom contemplating if he should walk out or not, and finally, he decided to take the leap of faith and open his room door.

Before he took a step out the door he check the clock: 10:30 it said. He work up 15 minutes before his alarm went off. “Great,” he thought out loud, “this better not be a sick joke or Imma be mad.”

He took two steps out the door. Looking left and right, he saw everything in its place. Nothing had been moved or blown up and his he couldn’t see the car in the driveway. He must have guess right… his wife did go out to the store.

Be mindful of this scene’s purpose. Make a point for your readers to continue reading. Think about length and how necessary it is.

» Early on, hint at what relevance this scene has and what will be the outcome of it.

You can have the character keep waking up throughout the book because they have prophetic dreams, or have the entire story be a deam (which I wouldn’t recommend) and them waking up in the beginning never really happened.

Example 3:

“Marla,” Jim shouted as he searched for his wife. There, lying in on the kitchen floor behind the counter was his wife, Marla. She had been murder and blood poured out of her body.

“We meet again,” a voice said, walking from behind.

“Please, please, don’t kill me. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll give you all that I have.”

“Too late,” the killer said with a smirk spread across his face. “It’s your turn to die. Heheheheh…” He pointed the gun at Jim and with a grin…. BANG!

The gun went off but luckily Jim woke up to the sound of his alarm. “Shit,” he said to himself. “What was that nightmare about? Good thing it was only a dream.” He wiped the sweat off his forehead and sat up in his bed. “I need to stop eating Marla’s cooking right before bed,” he joked to him self. Jim looked over at the clock. The time said 9:50. Then he began to think. “What if that wasn’t a just a dream, but a warning.” For some reason, Jim didn’t take his nightmare lightly. He ran out his room, went downstairs to where is wife was singing and cooking dinner. Outside, he could see his car parked in the driveway.

“Is everything okay, babe,” Marla said when putting the pancakes on a plate.

“I need to tell you something,” Jim said. He wasn’t sure how his wife would handle his theory, but he willingly tried to explain himself anyway.

» Reflect on the day the character is ‘designed’ to have. Emphasis what is to come and promise the reader things that you won’t break your promise.

Example 4:

Marla clearly held back the tears. “Are you being serious right now, Jim. I know how you love to joke.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me this before. If someone wanted to murder us we should have fled.”

“I know, I know.” Jim lowered his head. “I didn’t believe them at first, but after the nightmare I had I think we shouldn’t risk anything.”

“How much time do we have?” Marla believed her husband. The look on her face showed pure determination.

“We haven’t much time. I have the wallet and keys to the car. We need to leave now.”

“Without packing,” Marla cried, “without eating my pancakes? I put the cherry on top how you like.”

Jim grabbed his wife and practically dragged her outside. “I can eat it in the car. Look, we don’t have all day. “

Jim and Marla both knew what the rest of today’s schedule was going to be like. They were on the run from a guy who wanted to kill them. Whether or not the killer really was going to do what he said he was going to do, Jim didn’t want to risk putting his family in danger. He would be forever grateful to the universe for giving him that nightmare, which gave him a total of 45 minutes to save his tail.

“Babe,” Marla said when they were driving safely on the freeway. “Are we ever going to return?”

Jim shook his head then grabbed his wife’s hand. “You know we can’t do that. “Five years ago when we agreed to become spies for the government, we knew of the consequence. No kids, no close relatives, and no living in places longer than a few months. We exceeded that limit which is why we are in this predicament.”

Marla frowned. “I know. But we only stayed two extra weeks. Besides, we should get used to not running around so much. Maybe we should retire.”

Jim looked over at Marla and shook his head. “What are you talking about?”

Marla smiled, held up a pregnancy test and said, “Because, Jim, I’m pregnant.”

Jim swerved the car out of shock, accidentally hitting into a concrete wall on the freeway. Marla screamed, Jim yelled before the collision and soon they both blacked out. Luckily they survived. The only problem was… well, they ended up inside a dark chamber… their enemy’s dark chamber happened to be following them the whole time on the freeway. Who knows how long they’d have to stay in there? But we can all agree, it would be well past Jim’s bedtime.

** !You might have to scroll down the textbox with your mouse!

BOOM! A loud noise sounded from downstairs. “It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen,” Jim thought out loud. He had jumped out of his bed and landed face-down on the floor. The entire night he was alert; just yesterday someone threatened to murderer his whole family. He didn’t take that person seriously but now Jim was beginning to think he should have.

However, Jim was wrong. Dead wrong. He didn’t want to leave his room yet; what if it was too dangerous. For all he knew either his family was dead and the murderer stood right outside his bedroom door, waiting for him, or his family was perfectly fine and he overreacted.

Not a minute later after being in deep thought, Jim knew something wasn’t right. The longer he waited, the less of an opportunity he had to save them IF, and only if, they were in real danger. Otherwise, he would go back to sleep. Jim, still half asleep, grabbed his robe, paced around his bedroom contemplating if he should walk out or not, and finally, he decided to take the leap of faith and open his room door. Before he took a step out the door he check the clock: 10:30 it said. He work up 15 minutes before his alarm went off. “Great,” he thought out loud, “this better not be a sick joke or Imma be mad.”

Jim raced downstairs to see if Marla, his wife, left a note like she always did. But nothing. Zilch, nada. “What’s going on?” Jim said, feeling quite nervous. He was beginning to think something went terribly wrong and that explosion was no accident. Not– at– all. Jim, still half asleep, grabbed his robe, paced around his bedroom contemplating if he should walk out or not, and finally, he decided to take the leap of faith and open his room door. Before he took a step out the door he check the clock: 10:30 it said. He work up 15 minutes before his alarm went off. “Great,” he thought out loud, “this better not be a sick joke or Imma be mad.”

Chat Room [wise-chat]

6 thoughts on “ How to Write a Wake-Up Scene ”

WOW! You guys r incredible, thanks soooooo much !!

You’re very welcome!

Wow hi do you think wake up scenes to start a story are bad even if it’s a twist? like someone wakes up and they’re in somewhere completely new?

No, it’s not bad. Be sure to make it entertaining. Put yourself in the readers position. What do you want to read about waking up in the morning?

Which are the other four openings to avoid?

Dream Sequences

Opening with a character introducing themselves

A character looking in a mirror

Extended dialogue with no direction

How to Describe a Character Waking Up

July 23, 2024

The process of waking up is a difficult thing to describe. For the most part, it is an unconscious process that your brain undertakes. Hence, when it comes time to describe a character waking up, it can be frustrating to try to write out something that happens so effortlessly.

As a writer, you must wonder what are the “steps” to waking up. Is it something that happens gradually or abruptly? Most importantly, how does one describe a character that is waking up in a way that shows and doesn’t tell?

Is the waking-up scene so bad?

First, when deciding to write a character waking up, you need to know exactly why this is a description needed in your story.

It is a common belief in the writing community that “waking up” scenes are to be avoided. You might wonder why exactly these types of scenes are frowned upon. There are many valid reasons as to why this is the case.

Here are a couple of examples of why the “waking up” scene is not very liked:

These scenes can paint your character in a bad light. When a character first gets out of bed, there is not much going on around them. There are no real events that capture the attention of the reader and push the story forward. Hence, the only thing the reader can focus on is the ‘personality’ of your character. However, first thing in the morning, there is not much ‘personality’ that can be shown. Your character is sleepy, confused, and probably cranky as well.
The waking-up scene is seen as a filler in most stories. Oftentimes there isn’t much going on in a waking up scene and it doesn’t add any value to your plot.
Writing a waking-up scene as an opener in your story is mostly a bad idea. In such cases, your character is either going about their daily routine or anticipating an event that will be happening in their day. Yet, your readers are neither familiar with your character nor the event that they are anticipating. It is difficult for your readers to care about a character’s morning routine, especially one they have not properly been introduced to.

So, considering all of the reasons not to write a waking-up scene, should you still include it in your story? Well, yes and no.

You should include it in your story if your scene meets the following criteria:

Your scene is compelling in some way to your readers.
There is some type of conflict happening either during the waking up scene (ex: waking up after having been kidnapped), right before the scene (ex: your character got hit on the head and fell unconscious), or right after.
Most importantly, there is a clear purpose to your waking-up scene. It is not just a filler scene to get to your ideal word count.

If your scene does not meet these criteria, then you should maybe reconsider writing it.

The science behind waking up

To describe waking up in your writing, it’s important to understand the science behind it.

The most critical brain system involved in waking up is the reticular activating system (RAS). This system helps filter the information that reaches your brain, dampening signals deemed unimportant while strengthening those considered urgent. For instance, if something tickles your foot while you’re asleep, the RAS will send the necessary signals to wake up certain parts of your brain.

Various external stimuli, such as an alarm, can also activate your RAS and wake you from slumber. However, even though the RAS can abruptly wake you, it takes time for your entire brain to become fully alert.

During sleep, you go through several cycles or stages, including stages 1, 2, 3, 4, and REM sleep. Stages 1 and 2 are considered “light sleep,” while the other three stages are “deep sleep.” If you wake up during a deep sleep stage, it takes longer for your brain to fully wake up, making you feel groggy and tired in the morning. Conversely, waking up from a light sleep stage can leave you feeling more energized.

This difference occurs because it takes your RAS less time and effort to wake you from light sleep than from deep sleep.

How to describe a character waking up

Writing any scene can be daunting, but describing a character waking up doesn’t have to be intimidating.

From what you now understand of the science behind waking up, you know that the RAS is what switches the flip of the brain and causes you to wake up.

This waking-up process happens quite gradually because it takes time for your RAS to wake up all the parts of your brain.

Hence, when describing a character waking up, you want to take the time to describe the process of going from a groggy state to one where your character is fully awake.

You can do this by describing your character’s initial slowness in their movement and thought processes. You might also want to describe the room your character is in in a vague way. As your character becomes more awake and aware of their surroundings, your descriptions can start to become clearer and more specific. You want to slowly build an image of your character’s surroundings in your reader’s mind and make the scene come alive.

Focus on how the character feels during this scene. Did they wake up refreshed and ready for the day, or with a feeling of dread? Perhaps they woke up hungover with a horrible headache. You want your readers to feel what your character feels as they wake up.

Basically, you want your readers to feel what your character feels as they are waking up.

Of course, you will need to adjust your descriptions depending on the situation you are dealing with. For example, a character waking up and realizing they are late for work will be much quicker to jump out of bed than one that is waking up on a weekend.

Another good tip for writing a waking-up scene is to demonstrate aspects of your character’s personality or lifestyle in your descriptions. For example, if your character lives in a busy city, you might want to describe the noise from the traffic or the loud neighbors upstairs. You can also showcase whether or not your character hates or loves living in the city through their reactions and inner dialogue.

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Friday, February 02, 2018

Studying the waking up scene: is it really that bad.

Key Elements of a Good Opening Scene

Introduce readers to a likable or compelling character, present a problem or story question to be solved (show goals and conflict), ground readers in the world or setting, entice readers to read on.

41 comments:

I can't think of any I've read right now, but I've got one I've written that takes place a couple chapters into one of my WIPs that I think has some strong elements going for it. The last thing that character remembers is sparring with the other main character and him going strange during their session. His eyes go funny, and he seemed not all there, attacking harder and harder until he smashes her leg. She'd passed out at that point. So she wakes up with a bunch of questions like what happened, why, and where was she (not at sparring grounds anymore and also not her room). And she's also realizing she's been partly healed by magic. And the only possible person who could have done it is her new friend (the one she'd been sparring with), who had adamantly sworn off using magic before she'd even met him. Then her stirring wakes him up (he'd been slumped in a nearby chair) and they have a bit of a not-an-argument over his excessive guilt and some teasers regarding his past which is why he'd gone strange during their sparring. He doesn't reveal much, but what he doesn't say and how he doesn't say it tells her quite a bit, too. It's still rather rough, but I like re-reading what I wrote, so I'm hoping it'll work for others as well when I get it polished.

It sounds like it'll work fine. It fits with the story and has context before the reader reaches it. I think wake up scene farther into the book aren't as problematic.

The Hunger Games opens with Katniss waking up the morning of the reaping. Of course, the reaping and her sister's bad dreams about it are mentioned in paragraph one, and it grabs us right away. Ms. Collins has managed to open with a character waking up, while putting tension and story questions right into that supposedly cliched opening. One of the things I learned at my last writers' conference is that while we might read the openings of a few books a month, agents read the openings of hundreds of books a month. They become really sick of things that they have to see over and over again; things the average reader might not object to. I think the average reader will still give a book a few pages or even chapters to get moving, but no agent or editor will. One panel I attended was called, "Reading the Slush Pile." The agents were laughing and rolling their eyes as they read one opening page after the next. I got a rude awakening in things that turn agents off. I have to admit, if I had to read as many bad, dull, or cliched openings as they do, I would become much more critical much more quickly.

It's funny, because Hunger Games is the most popular answer when this topic comes up. It's a great scene, and proof that everything can work if done well. That's an excellent point about agent readings and reader readings. This is probably why these "rules" exists. Poor agents see the best and worst of way too many openings.

I would think it was Gone Girl. The classic "oops, it's not" exception to the "routine day" scene.

These days it might be. But in 2014, everyone used Hunger Games :)

I was going to say "Hunger Games" as well, Leslie. Excellent example, in my opinion. That moment builds so much tension and immediately lets the reader know Katniss' role in her family. It definitely made me want to read on and learn about the world she lived in. There was such a heaviness -- how she spoke of her mother lost beauty and her sister's innocence, and that ugly cat who protects her sister. I can't think of any more examples, probably because they were all bad. Another wonderful resource. Thank you for sharing.

My pleasure. I also thinks it's telling when everyone mentions the same example.

The very opening of Roger Zelazny's first Amber book, "Nine Princes in Amber," begins with Corwin waking up in a hospital bed. It worked because of (1) the book's very first line, "It was starting to end, after what seemed most of eternity to me."; (2) the almost immediate introduction of a mystery; and (3) the protagonist quickly turning proactive. And, yeah, as an editor I can vouch for the fact that *way* too many of these turn up in the slushpile. Maybe as many as the headlong action openings without any effort to have the reader connect with the protagonist first. Dario

Those also came out back in the 70s, when the cliche wasn't so cliched. But even then it still did was a good opening should do.

Chapter One of my near-future SF novel Division starts with one of two conjoined twins waking up. A conflict (!) quickly develops between him and his brother, about whether to keep sleeping or to get up and practice for a recital. We get to see how these main characters interact, and are introduced to a few of the differences in how they approach their lives -- differences which become crucial. We also get to meet another fairly important character, who shows up during the argument.

The fact that it's conjoined twins immediately sets up an interesting situation, so the waking up isn't typical. Good example of one that would likely work.

Hmm, I never really thought of that. I'll have to see how many of those waking up scenes I have used in my stories. I know I've used some waking-up-and-something-is-wrong scenes (not openers) in some of them. In the book that I currently have out to my beta readers, it opens with an intense nightmare sequence, followed by a jarring wake-up and conflict scene between the mother and the teen protagonist. I'll have to ask my betas how it worked for them.

Hopefully it works, though it does fall into the common openings pile. Probably worth taking a close look at it just to be sure. Fingers crossed for you that it does!

I've read a few openers set this way; no real objection but maybe the author made it work? Especially since I wasn't aware of this "guideline" (seems more flexible a term than "rule"). Haven't started stories this way, but I do have a story in which a key scene comes to a close. It is followed by the other POV character waking up and dealing in the aftermath. Far as I can tell, it works (and not sure how I'd progress the story otherwise, lol).

Definitely a guideline. And honestly, things like this are more like missed opportunities. (And now I just got a topic idea for next week, thanks!) So many slush pile novels open this way so it's hard to stand out. I also think later waking up scenes work much better because the reader is already invested.

I've never had an issue with the wake up scene as a reader. I'm okay with it. It's a way to start. However, as a writer, it's been pounded in my head not to do it. So even though I keep away from it in my writing, I've no problem with it reading-wise.

It always makes me chuckle (and cry) and the difference between readers and agents/editors. I wonder how book reviews feel? They're right in the middle between casual reading and "work" reading a lot of books.

I've never written a waking up scene! I'm sure I've read them, but none come to mind. I can handle just about any opening scene, as long as it's written well :)

That's certainly the key--anything can be done if done well. Such a cliche to say that but I believe it (grin). Good writing and storytelling overcomes pretty much anything.

I completely understand why starting with the main character waking up is not a strong start (and thanks for putting it into words so well, Janice!) but sometimes a story just begs to start that way. Though it always helps to know the 'rule' before you break it. These are the opening words of my first novel published by Harper Impulse, Waking up in Vegas, and I hope it works as an example of how the 'rule' can be broken: I wish I were dead. Phoenix moaned and pulled the pillow over her head to block out the blinding light and the clamour of rain. If only her head would just explode and get it over with. At least the pillow seemed softer this morning. And it smelled nicer than normal too. A fresh citrus scent that quickened her blood. Hang on a minute. Rain? In Vegas? She peeked out from under the pillow. Oh my… Not her room.

I like it. I think the hints that she wakes up hung over, possibly in strange places, adds interest to this. And it does get to the conflict very quickly, another plus.

I fear I may be tarred by this same brush, and have even asked around the webs about it, so maybe you all can tell me. The MC needs to find himself unexpectedly alone aboard a ship usually teeming with crew. Now, to be fair, he is not shown waking up, doesn’t brush his teeth or put on his clothes. In effect he woke up five or ten minutes earlier, and is about to set out in search of his shipmates. In fact, there’s really only one sentence that describes his sleeping at all, and it’s there mostly for grounding, lest the reader think the crew has vanished with a poof. “He wasn’t surprised to have been left sleeping, but wondered how he’d not been roused by the crew’s no doubt raucous departure.” Or something like that. I've added/removed it several times so it's not yet re-jelled. I can find no meaningful way to ‘work it in later’. I have only a scant few paragraphs to build reader sympathy for this guy, and his obvious isolation (ostracization) aboard ship is a big part of it. Within two pages the poop hits the fan and we’re off to the races, and bringing it up after that feels very stuck on and contrived. But in a few reviews, I've been 'dismissed' as "opens with waking up, unacceptable". Am I truly doomed here? Will every agent who reads this waking up opening hit the auto-reject button?

Hard to say without seeing more, but it doesn't sound like the bad waking up scene type. He's already up, already dealing with a problem, and it sounds like there's conflict right away. If that's the case, then you're probably fine. If your feedback is only that it has a waking up scene, then it might just be people telling you the bad "rule." Like if they can't back up why that's bad beyond "people say don't it." If the feedback offers reasons why that isn't working for them, that might indicate a problem. You can try submitting it to Real Life Diagnostics if you want. You'd get some good feedback about that exactly question.

Thanks very much for the reply!!

I wrote a waking up scene to start a novel once. (Pauses to feel nostalgic.) The character woke to the sound of someone breaking into her house, where she lived alone. I thought it worked, especially since the opening scene was her grabbing the nearest vase and rushing downstairs to confront the prowler.

It all depends on how it's done. If you established the character and hit all the right buttons to hook the reader, it probably did. If it felt too abstract or disconnected, then maybe not.

Not only does Hunger Games open with a waking up scene, Collins' earlier series, Gregor the Overlander, also begins with a waking scene. But in both she manages to convey so much about the characters, the family dynamics, the setting. I think it's unfortunate that agents and editors tend to write these openings off right away. Not everyone writes as well as Suzanne Collins, but I'm sure some perfectly good novels are being ignored because of this arbitrary rule.

I'm not sure they write them off, but I do believe that it triggers a "oh great, another one of those openings" and sets up a negative response right away. Just like something readers have read a ton of times makes a book feel flat or predictable.

Not giving away too much here, but a waking up scene to start a second book, when the reader is wondering exactly what happened at the end of the previous book, can work. Thinking about that - and the availability of the next book together is for the writer to work on: if a reader can check out the beginning of the next book online, or it is right there as a teaser chapter at the end of the previous book, the beginning may need to be different than if the next book isn't out yet, and all the reader will remember is being tantalized, signing up for the newsletter to be informed when the next book comes out, and that she liked the first book. I agree - there is a significant difference between agents and the general reading public in the area of having read too many openings. Maybe the agents should be looking at whether the scene does all the other things a first scene should do: introduce the (a) main character, start conflict, get bits of the setting in (so the reader gets oriented), whatever it needs to get the clock ticking. "Like all things writing, every rule can be broken with great effect if done well." The key is to do it well. If the agent is too jaded, eschew agents - or find a better one. Well put. Alicia

I think that would only work if the reader went right from book one to book two. If they had to wait a year between books, they'd forget everything and could be confused. I think agents do look for all the other things as well. They're not going to reject someone for doing one thing, they look at the project as a whole.

Not going to lie, my novel is a victim of the waking up scene. Could you consider doing a post on other over-done opening scenes that agents/editors see too often and might be sick of? I'm curious if anything original is left! Haha, thanks again for your wonderful insight!

I'll add it to the idea list. Could make for a fun article. Thanks!

Wow! Great article and amazing replies! I believe we not only learn from our mistakes, but from one another as well. So, thank you all for teaching me something today. 5 years ago, I began writing my first book (novel) and I'm in my third round of edits. I made too many major changes and must go back to the drawing board. URGH! Now, my opening scene is a 72-year-old antagonist with a clandestine past, wakes up in a panic attack and fumbles to take her medicine. She had been suffering with attacks since childhood. The plot is centered around the reasons for these attacks, which she withheld from her grownup children. Do you think this will work, in my case? Again, many thanks for this great article. Seasons Greeting to you and your family! ~Michelle

Glad I could help :) Don't fret about your first book. Having to go back to square one is very common, and that's all part of writing. It's hard to say without seeing the actual text, but generally speaking: If the scene focuses on her being in a panic and then moves on to the start of the novel, it will probably feel like a cliched wake up scene. The panic doesn't go anywhere, it just happens. If the panic causes the goal or conflict on the scene and moves the story forward, then it might work just fine. The difference would be between "this is something that happens to my character" and "here is a plot-driving situation that opens my story." Does that help?

Kind of surprised that no one mentioned The Metamorphosis. "As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect-like creature" is probably one of Kafka's most famous quotes. Of course, the reason it's good is because it starts with an interesting conflict that serves as an incredibly strong hook.

That is a classic. And you're exactly right about why it works.

It looks like most of us agree that a waking up scene works after the reader knows the characteristic of the protagonist. Once we place the reader in their world and show the trouble they are in a waking up scene can work. I do agree it is not the best decision to open a book that way. As always, excellent insight. Thanks you.

True. Later in the story I can see it working better to open a chapter or scene, because readers are already invested.

Love to see you taking aim at another of those mindlessly parroted writing "rules", Janice. Good post. Fight the good fight! :P

The first book of Rick Riordan's Heroes of Olympus series is another good example. Again, I think it works because it gets straight to the interesting plot situation. It introduces a lot of mystery and does a really good job of showing off the characters before the monster fight in the next chapter.

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How To Write A Waking Up Scene That Works

This one holds your attention

One of the many rules of writing that no one ever listens to is to not start with your character waking up. The reason is because waking up is boring. The character has a normal morning before they face the problems that will plague them throughout the rest of the book. However, Kathryn Croft’s While You Were Sleeping turns those that tired trope on its head.

So we’ve established that waking up scenes are boring because nothing interesting happens. However, in this book, waking up is the start of something very interesting. The main character wakes up to a room and a bed that she doesn’t recognize.

She is also naked and lying next to her married neighbor who has been literally stabbed through the heart.

Well, that’s certainly not your typical wake up scene. There’s nothing ordinary or average about this day because she’s not in her house and there’s a dead man in bed with her.

The rest of the story hinges on what she did, or rather didn’t’ do, in the first few minutes of waking up. In this way, she manages to take the normally horrible trope of waking up into one of the most interesting parts of the book.

It sets the tone for the entire book, and here’s where most new authors make their mistakes. Their waking up scene doesn’t reveal tone, it reveals the setting.

Any scene that only shows only the setting is a boring scene, regardless of whether or not your character is waking up.

First chapters, need to set the mood. Waking up with a dead man next to you and trying to hide it in a scared, serious way tells you this book isn’t going to be a laugh a minute book.

However, a character who wakes up in a normal room on the start of what they think is a normal day, could be any genre of book, and that will confuse your readers enough to put the book down before it gets any ‘better’. After all, with a boring wake up scene, your readers think you’re book is only going to get worse.

If you’d like to see an example of waking up done right, then be sure to check out Kathryn Croft’s While You Were Sleeping.

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Devlin Blake

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How to Write a Dream Sequence

Paul Yoon's novel, Snow Hunters, was published by Simon and Schuster. It follows the travels of Yohan, a Korean who leaves his country after the Korean War to start over in Brazil.

Paul Yoon’s novel, Snow Hunters , follows the travels of Yohan, a man who leaves his country after the Korean War to start over in Brazil. The novel prompted a New York Times reviewer to write, “One of the gratifications of literature is to know a character in a book more completely than we can know people in real life.”

Some writing teachers make a rule for stories submitted in workshop: No dreams. No dream sequences. They make this rule because badly written dreams are all the same. They “show” a character’s inner torments/thoughts rather than artfully imbedding them into the narrative. But if fiction is, in any way, supposed to imitate life, then dreams are fair game. The question is how to write them well.

Paul Yoon has written one of the best dream sequences I’ve ever read in his new novel Snow Hunters . You can read the first chapter here . The dream begins at the bottom of page 16.

How the Story Works

The passage begin with Yohan falling asleep and hearing sounds through the open window:

“the tapping of the rain and voices and a car and then a ship’s horn. A single chime of a church bell. a door opening. A song on the radio. The steady punches of a sewing machine. He heard aircraft and the dust spraying from trucks and the wind against the tents”

We get a short reflection on this noise from Yohan (“it was faint and calm and he did not mind”), and then the dream begins.

“He was riding a bicycle. He felt a hand on the small of his back. Someone familiar spoke to him and he said, —I can go a little longer, and he lifted a shovel and sank it into the earth. A group of children whistled and clapped. And then he was running his hands through a girl’s hair and she took his wrist and they moved through a corridor where rows of dresses hung from the ceiling. Those dresses turned into the sea.”

Then the dream ends. So why does this dream work? First, it has no clear message. It’s not telegraphing crucial information about Yohan’s interior life. At best, the message is mixed: the desire and need to push himself and the desire for friendship and love. The images are not accidental. They reflect encounters and experiences from waking life. Second, the dream does not predict the future. It doesn’t attempt to move the plot forward. Though dreams sometimes cause us to act (dreaming that someone has an accident and then, upon waking, contacting that person), we tend to be skeptical of someone who claims that valuable information was gained in a dream.

So why does the dream work? Here are four reasons (and lessons to keep in mind):

It’s so beautifully and simply written.
It glides from image to image, never dwelling too long in one place.
It’s short.
The images reflect things we’ve already seen in the novel. The dream feels to us, the readers, the same as it does to Yohan. In other words, the dream feels like a real dream. And that is rare in fiction.

The Writing Exercise

Let’s practice writing a dream sequence, using Paul Yoon’s Snow Hunters as a model:

Choose a character whom you’ve already created and written about.
Bring the character home, to bed, after a long day—not after a life-changing event but simply a day in which things seem to be on the cusp of happening.
When the characters’ eyes are closed, let the sounds of the world drift in. Be specific and precise. You’re describing that odd state in which the mind is both idle and resting and also alert and aware of its surroundings.
Ease into the dream. If you’ve ever heard the voice/sound from the waking world in your dream (a spouse or child talking to you, a professor speaking, the alarm clock), then you know how permeable dreams can be.
Make the dream a reflection of the images of the waking world. Treat the dream’s reflective power like that of an almost-still lake. Remember, the mind is not directing traffic any longer but instead letting images trickle through unfiltered. Move from image to image. End on one that best seems to fit the mood of the day.

Now you have a dream sequence. If it seems inconsequential, that’s good. Beware dreams of great import—unless you’re writing about the Virgin Mary. Let the dream become part of the character’s fabric and, thus, the fabric of the novel.

Good luck and have fun.

31 Responses to “How to Write a Dream Sequence”

Great advice! Dreams are such a tricky thing to write. I love the example you’ve put up. Thanks for this!

Thanks so much.

Reblogged this on Creative Writing School .

Aaaaaah how nice. I was just trying to write a dream sequence into my story (in Dutch, since I’m like yeah from Holland) and Google brought me here. Great website. I was so glad to find that my projected sequence has a lot of similarities to your excellent exemple. But i stil have one question though: if your entire story use active present tense, I what tense would the dream play out?

Good question, Ron. I’d guess that the dream would play out in present tense. In Snow Hunters, Paul Yoon writes both the novel as a whole and the dream sequence in past tense. But there is a marked transition into the dream state, and it comes through a series of images that exist outside of time and tense: “A single chime of a church bell. A door opening. A song on the radio. The steady punches of a sewing machine.” Perhaps something similar would work in your story. Good luck!

Wow Michael, thanks for your quick reply. A transition is a clever trick. 🙂 But what if your story starts with a dream? I just wrote it and used present tense. Felt a bit awkward at first, because I thought that no one could ever do a live coverage of a dream. Your to busy dreaming the dream. But then I realised, this is only the case when you’re writing in first person and I’m not. So I just traveled out my main character’s head and wrote about the dream he was/is having. Haha, I’m getting confused again.

I think it was probably a smart decision to travel out of your character’s head to describe the dream. As for the tense, there’s no penalty for trying out another tense and seeing which one works best. You might also try making the dream as short as possible. Usually–but not always–dreams are not as interesting as the reactions that characters have to them. So, if you have a dream that makes you leave your spouse and kids and join the crew of a whaling ship, then that was a pretty interesting dream.

Hi Michael, I am 15 years old (turning 16 in 4 months time). I am currently trying to write a book by having a past dream and going into the future by the character waking up from the “past dream nightmare” but I don’t know how to do the past dream in 1st person. My opening dream starts off in a fictional world and then an unknown force takes over the planet but my main character gets rescued by some people who look after her and from then on she wakes up in a space ship and describes her mission and what she has to do but yeah I was wandering how you can describe a dream in first person past tense sort of thing you know? and transitioning to the present. Please can you give me an example as well as that would really help. Im sorry if all this text is all over the place but I hope you can understand what im saying. Thank you for taking your time to read my comment.

Thanks for this! I’m attempting a dream sequence in Chapter 2 of my novel I’m writing on my blog, so check back tomorrow if you want to see the fruits of my labour. 🙂

Thanks, Peter. Hope it goes well!

Brilliant! I’m so glad I did a quick search on writing dream sequences to find this, it helps so much for what I’m trying to do!

If you have some dream and you want to write about that then don’t think so much just do it. Love your post very nice it was. http://www.imantra.org/terms.php

Reblogged this on The Creative Kitty .

So right now i have an assignment in science to write about the arctic tundra and i chose to write it in a journal form, the main character (Evalynne) has a nightmare and i cant figure out how to write it. I want it to have something to do with her 8 year old sister (Gwenie) and her 10 year old brother (Theren) plz reply asap and thx

“Evalynne” your sister called. “Evalynne!’ you heard again and again. “Yes Gwenie.” you replied. Your sister’s voice sounded as if it was right in front of you but all you saw was an old house.

thats what i have right now but i dont like that part of my story. if it would help i can also post the rest of the story for some context. 🙂

Hmm, Riley. Intriguing assignment. The post above includes an exercise for writing a dream sequence. Perhaps it will help.

What if the character is dead and she’s looking back on her life in a dream sort of way?

I know my comment seems kind of late. But, I am really thankful I managed to land in this blog. I am currently writing a story in Wattpad. Somehow, I’m stuck with a bad case of Writer’s Block. I am trying to write a dream scene of a man who lost his memory. I wanted him to dream about his past conversations with his girlfriend. I’m not sure if i have to write so vaguely like what a dream should really be. Or, maybe if i should write the whole conversation clearly like a real scene in a waking life.

I’m thinking…..if the character has lost their memory would it be more interesting to have bits and pieces of conversations zinging through his view of the dream? Bits of conversations with greater significance that can be redressed in more of his dreams until the bits and pieces converge to become mostly whole conversations that eventually surface during his times being awake. He might hear someone having a conversation and connects with something said that resembles the dream sequence bits and pieces jogging his memory of past realities. I’m Rosalie. I got excited and created a run-on conversation. I hope your story turns out great!

I love it so much

Thank you, well written. Your example from Paul Yoon’s Snow Hunters was clear, to the point, and beautiful like poetry. I understand now.

I am writing a short story for a college creative writing course. I want to start the story with a dream sequence. Any ideas about how to start???

The playful momentum makes this writing exercise seem to be one to be accomplished with ease….what fun it is going to be. Thank you very much….Rosalie

Hi Michael – How does a “vision” sequence differ from a dream sequence? My college-age protagonist begins having visions as if she’s seeing memories/experiences through someone else’s eyes. Someone very significant (but she doesn’t discover this until much later in the story). These episodes hit her unexpectedly and have a dream like quality but she’s wide awake going about her day. Her reaction is vital to the story plot as it propels her on a quest for information about her past. Is the approach to writing a vision similar to writing a dream? How do you think they differ?

Sounds like they’re a little different, Dana. When a dream ends and a character wakes up, it negates everything that we learned in the dream (unless the dream can predict the future). But if the vision is a sight of something that is real or that will be, then it carries story weight.

Thank you, Michael. The visions do carry story weight but the protagonist doesn’t initially understand what is happening or what the visions mean. I want the reader to experience them alongside the protagonist. I used a modified version of your exercise (my protagonist isn’t sleep walking through the university library) as a guide to write a first draft. The sights and sounds drift in as they would before a dream and then the vision happens. I kept writing short and simple but sensory-rich. Her reaction brings her back to the present moment. Thanks again.

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BRYN DONOVAN

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How to Describe Pain in Writing

What’s the worst pain you’ve ever felt? And how would you describe it?

Describing physical pain in writing is a challenge that most writers face at one time or another. A character might have a headache, give birth, or get injured in an accident or a battle. (By the way, if you’re reading this, you might also want to check out my writer’s guide to serious injuries and calamities .)

When I was writing my book The Equinox Stone , I did a lot of thinking about ways to describe pain since my characters get pretty banged up over the course of the book. Near the end (spoilers), one of them has several injuries, and I wrote: “His adrenaline was burning off, leaving him in a symphony of pain, one part of his body screaming, the other parts answering with agony of their own.” I really liked the “symphony of pain” idea.

Since so many writers look for ways to describe pain in creative writing, I figured I should do a master list of words and phrases to use. I’ve also suggested ways that the character can react to the pain, which you could use whether you’re writing from the point of view of the person in pain or the point of view of someone with them. Some of these could probably be adapted to emotional rather than physical pain.

In most cases, you probably won’t use these ways to describe pain verbatim (although you’re certainly welcome to, even with the longer phrases.) You’ll adapt it for the paragraph you’re writing. You might also combine one or two ideas. Like all my master lists, it’ll probably make you think of even more ideas.

Save the post as a bookmark or a Pinterest pin so you’ll have it when you need it!

"HOW TO DESCRIBE PAIN IN WRITING: get the list of words and phrases at bryndonovan.com" image of thorns

she braced herself for the pain

a dull ache

a deep ache in his bones

a throbbing ache

his head throbbed

pain filled her head

pain squeezed her head

a jab of pain

a burst of pain

a flash of pain

prickles of pain

a blaze of pain

a stinging pain

a spike of pain

white-hot pain

a sharp pain

a shooting pain

a stabbing pain

a piercing pain

a corrosive pain

a crippling pain

a searing pain

a grating pain

a grinding pain

a drumbeat of pain

pain shot up her leg

pain surged through her body

pain lashed across his lower back

pain ripped through her chest

pain branched across their back like lightning

pain lacerated her shoulder

pain twisted his belly

a cramp seized her foot

pain exploded behind her eyeballs

the pain flared in his leg

a flaming pain in her wrist

a burning pain in her neck

pain coursed through his body

pain like a sharp knife in his gut

pain lanced through him

pain went through her like a sword/spear

blinded with pain

dizzy from the pain

disoriented from the pain

the pain blossomed in his midsection

the pain spread through her bowels

a wave of pain rolled through her

pain crashed through his body

he let out a gasp from the pain

she panted with pain

she hissed with pain

he grimaced in pain

he managed to grin through the pain

he winced at the pain

she cringed at the pain

they strained against the pain

she curled up in pain

he doubled over with agony

she writhed in pain

he moaned in pain

she sucked in a sharp breath at the pain

he howled in pain

she grunted from the pain

he let out a cry of pain

she bit back a cry of pain

she yelped with pain

he let out a shriek of pain

he screeched in pain

she screamed in pain

the pain brought tears to his eyes

he quivered with pain

he was wracked by pain

she trembled from the pain

she was shaking from the torment

she convulsed with pain

his breathing was shallow

the pain took her breath away

they tried to breathe through the pain

she tried to focus on something other than the pain

he clutched his head in agony

she clamped her hand around her stubbed toe

he cradled his wounded arm

he grasped her hand tightly as the pain hit

she gritted her teeth against the pain

he clenched his teeth when the pain hit

his face was drawn with pain

her face was twisted with pain

she stiffened with the pain

he went rigid with agony

her back arched off the bed with the pain

she spoke haltingly from the pain

his voice was tight with pain

her voice was rough with pain

it hurt too much for him to speak

pain like he’d never felt before

the pain robbed her of rational thought

he was out of his mind with pain

she was delirious with pain

he prayed for an end to the suffering

she wished for the release of death

he blacked out from the pain

the pain abated

the pain eased

the drugs softened the pain

the pain faded

the pain diminished

the pain evaporated

the pain dissolved

the pain released her

the pain subsided

the pain dulled

the pain drained out of her body

how to describe pain in writing | image of a bunch of sharp pins

Okay, I could do this all day, but I’ll stop it here! Do you have other thoughts about creative ways to describe pain? Let us know in the comments!

And if you’re not following the blog already, go ahead and subscribe below for more writing resources. Thanks so much for reading, and happy writing!

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19,908 quotes, descriptions and writing prompts, 4,965 themes

waking up - quotes and descriptions to inspire creative writing

alarm clock
waking up in liquid
zeus is awake

I was sleeping through my life until you came along, now even in my dreams I'm waking up to your song.

Waking up to skies lit by the wintry sun is a sort of visual poetry.

Upon waking up my brain replays the last few scenes of my dreams.

In the soft white-gold light of the new day, the hues of my bedroom move from impressionist pastels to brilliant pop art.

Waking up comes real slow and relaxed, as if the day was kind enough to come softly into focus.

Waking up next to you is moving from one dream to a better kind.

Waking up is a transition from the world of dreams into the day, and for that it is good to take a little time. For then we may ponder the messages of our dreams, weave them into the truth of our lives, and feel ready to greet the day.

I wake the way kings wake, just the same. We are all blessed with the same time, the same experience of consciousness. My eyes greet the dayshine, my heart and lungs expand. There are times that I feel that I must have been so blessed to live the same day over and over, even though I age, for those first few moments are so identical. At first there are the dreams, then the sense of welcoming a new day, the anticipation of whatever comes.

I wake as if it's an emergency, as if sleeping had become a dangerous thing. My heart beats fast and there is a buzzing in my brain and together they are as panic with jump-leads. Only now my brain is as a flat battery, the exertions of the night being a marathon of erratic problem-solving. And so this day will pass as if I am hungover, not from drink, but from the nightmares that demand solutions.

Give me a moment to shed the sleep from my brain, to allow the visions of the night to give way to the day, to move from that which I create on a whim to things more fixed and real. In a few minutes I will be able to greet the sunlight, to see the colours as bright as the backlit images of cinema screens; I will adjust. For now let it come with the subtleness of a gentle dawn and let me doze underwing. I'll be there soon, I'll wake up, you'll see.

Upon walking up the dreaming-ether applies one more layer of salve, then dresses my soul for the day ahead, not in armour but amour.

With you, waking up is so easy to do.

From the carousel of random ideas comes some order - a subtle awareness of who I am under the flow of thoughts with their loose connections to my waking life. After a few moments more I begin to analyze them in a lazy way, perhaps these ideas are meant to be kept. Some are composed as if from a book I once read, some are just silly. In another moment they are gone leaving no trace. If they are still in my head there is no bread crumb trail back to them. My eyelids flicker open to the unlit room. No daylight. I close them again, willing the carousel to return, for my mind to tumble back to dreams, but it won't. Now the tasks of the day are demanding I think about them, find solutions, get jobs done by day's end. I am awake and there is no retreat. I steal a glance at the pointless alarm clock, glowing red, and reach out to turn off the buzzer. Once 6:30am was a rude awakening, now it is an impossible target. It would take at least a week of vacation to get there...

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20 Morning Writing Prompts to Jumpstart Your Day

by Joe Bunting and Sue Weems | 130 comments

Julia Cameron's classic book The Artist's Way challenges writers to tackle morning pages each day as a way to clear the mind and set the day's intention. Today we have a few morning writing prompts to kickstart your morning journal time or writing any time of day.

Ask people how they feel about mornings, and you're likely to get one of two responses. On one hand, you have the morning routine enthusiasts who get up early to begin their daily routines, say their positive affirmations, pump some iron or get a workout in, and anything else that contributes to their personal goals.

For others, mornings come too early and just getting out of bed to make the coffee feels like a massive feat.

No matter your personal experience with mornings though, my guess is that mornings themselves can be a source of inspiration. There are a number of ways to approach writing prompts for the morning. See if one of these prompts unleashes some creative potential for you!

Morning Journaling Prompts

If you're trying to start a daily habit of writing, you can use morning journal prompts as a part of your morning routine to help you tackle negative emotions, monitor stress levels, cultivate a sense of mindfulness, or just quiet the mental chatter.

1. Describe a small, daily ritual you can incorporate into your morning routine to promote a sense of calm and mindfulness.

2. Write about a recent experience where you successfully turned a negative thought into a positive one. How did you do it, and how did it make you feel?

3. Imagine starting your day with a clean slate, free from stress and worry. Write a brief journal entry about how you would design your ideal morning routine to achieve this state.

4. Write a short letter to your future self, reminding them of the importance of self-compassion and the practice of letting go of negative emotions.

5. Describe how quiet or calm feels in your body.

Life Goals Prompts

Mornings often feel like a fresh start, a way to begin anew your own personal growth. Use one of these prompts to explore your larger goals or explore a dream.

6. Describe a specific life goal you've set for yourself. What steps have you taken so far to work towards achieving it, and what motivates you to pursue this goal?

7. What is one way you've made a positive impact in your world, and how can you continue to cultivate positive change around you?

8. Imagine yourself ten years from now, living your dream life. Write a detailed journal entry about what your life looks like, the accomplishments you've achieved, and the personal growth you've experienced along the way.

9. Write a to-do list that outlines specific tasks to contribute to reaching your life dream. Nothing's too big or small to include.

10. Write about one person who has played a pivotal role in shaping your aspirations and values.

Gratitude Journal Prompts

Research shows that gratitude has a huge impact on our overall wellness and sense of wellbeing. Incorporate a few gratitude prompts in your morning journal practice on a daily basis and see how you feel.

11. Think about the natural world around you. Write about one aspect of nature that fills you with wonder or awe.

12. List three people you're intensely grateful for and explain why.

13. Write about a simple pleasure you often take for granted—that first cup of coffee, the chatter of birds out back, a devoted dog curled up beside you.

14. Write a letter of gratitude to a previous year you experienced, whether in childhood or recent years.

15. Write about a difficult time that ultimately you're grateful to have experienced.

Creative Writing Prompts for Morning

16. Write about a morning gone wrong in a character's life (or your own).

17. What inspires you about the morning?

18. Write about a memorable morning.

19. Choose a season and imagine a perfect morning in that season. Describe it.

20. Describe in detail a sensory experience of a morning, either at home or during a travel experience.

A journaling practice, especially first thing in the day can start your day right. Morning is the perfect time to take some quiet time for your writing, and I hope one of these prompts inspires you and gets your creative juices flowing.

When is your favorite time to write? Share with us in the comments .

Choose one of the prompts above or just take fifteen minutes to write about the morning.

Write for fifteen minutes . When you're finished, post your practice in the Pro Practice Workshop here , and leave feedback for a few other writers.

Here's Joe's practice from 2012

The cell phone vibrates me awake. I reach for it, hold the bright screen to my squinting face, and set it for thirty minutes later. I hate mornings.

I-don't-know-how-many minutes later, I open my eyes to see the grey out my window. The field is murky with it, brown grass sticking up out of a swamp of fog. The trees are not trees but only pine. The oak and poplars have withered down to stalks, leaving the shaggy pine looking like remnants of a holocaust. The only ones clothed in a sea of naked and shaved. But in this fog, the trees never end, they float upwards, for all we know, limitless as bean stalks. My eyes shut.

The cell phone again. I turn it off. Talia makes a sound. I should get up. I should want to get up. My eyes close.

She slides up next to me. Her chin tucks into my shoulder. She gets up.

I actually like cloudy days. They are warmth, hot coffee. They are staring into grey, feeling soothed by it, letting it cover you like a blanket of introspection. Your whole world is what is right in front of you because everything else is consumed by fog. A veil over the world.

My eyes open again and I know they must stay open. I have slept far too long. I don't want to get up. Oh, I don't want to. I get up.

I look at the time, an hour of my day lost. A flock of crows fly black over the trees.

Talia smiles, says, “How did you sleep?”

Joe Bunting

Joe Bunting is an author and the leader of The Write Practice community. He is also the author of the new book Crowdsourcing Paris , a real life adventure story set in France. It was a #1 New Release on Amazon. Follow him on Instagram (@jhbunting).

Want best-seller coaching? Book Joe here.

Sue Weems is a writer, teacher, and traveler with an advanced degree in (mostly fictional) revenge. When she’s not rationalizing her love for parentheses (and dramatic asides), she follows a sailor around the globe with their four children, two dogs, and an impossibly tall stack of books to read. You can read more of her writing tips on her website .

Write About Yourself with blue hello name tag

130 Comments

Frigid night. Frigid morning.

I burrow into the comforter and hide my head. Indiana’s cold nose pokes through my shields to remind me it’s breakfast time. Beagles’ stomachs are more accurate than any alarm clock. I ignore him as long as he’ll allow, until he convinces Barkley the English Springer to join in the game of roust Mom from bed. Patient Chi waits at the door. The eldest of our three dogs knows she’ll get fed, eventually. I surrender.

The pack follows me from the bed to the bathroom to the utility room where the food bin is stashed out of their reach. We learned that lesson the hard way. Chi sits in the entry, drooling politely, as I fill the bowls. Three scoops for her as the largest, two for Barkley who wriggles and whimpers in anticipation, and a bit less for Indy, the smallest. He bounces up and down, from the dryer to the trash can – also locked away from their eager noses – and tries so hard to obey my futile “Sit” command. But he fights a losing battle. His eagerness keeps him in constant motion.

Full bowls stacked in hand, I park the trio at one end of the great room, repeating “Stay” in another futile effort to keep them at bay while I place the food by the water bowls. Chi still drools, Barkley waggles, and Indy flops into his odd half-sit half-lay position, never quite motionless. “You can eat,” is all it takes to release the hounds.

They race to the bowls, sliding in like a base runner stealing home, and in less time than it takes me to fill the tea kettle and place it on the stove, they’ve finished eating and are sniffing to be let out. We try the sit-stay combo again at the back door with varying degrees of success before they explode into the backyard to see what new odors await their morning inspection.

I have enough time for my morning yoga stretches before they’re barking and scratching to be let back in, especially in this morning’s nine degree temperature. Even hunting dogs prefer the warmth of my bedroom office on a day like this.

Only now they have the bed, and I’m at my desk, writing.

I swear Indiana is grinning.

I love the line about Indiana’s cold nose poking through your shield. Beautiful!

What a pack. I used to have dogs and they do like to get one up. Now I have cats, they like me to stay asleep.

I absolutely love Chi sitting there, drooling politely. It’s perfect.

My eyes snapped open, burning with fear. I grasp for air and, for an instant, I had forgotten entirely where I was. That ended quickly. The sound of ammunition weeping all around me was the thing that thrust me back into my instant.

Had I slept in the midst of such chaos, I thought.

Just hours earlier, I had made my bed in a shallow pit at the base of a large tree just outside of camp. I chose this spot because several large branches had fallen over and provided an amount of cover that I deemed sufficient. I packed my rifle close to my right side, placed my pack in a deeper spot near my feet, and pulled my helmet just slightly over my eyes. I mumbled a soft goodnight to my mother back in the states and closed my eyes.

Now, I find myself in, yet again, a position I had never hoped when I signed up for this war. I’m alone, cold, afraid, and knowing that at any moment my life could end.

I pull the branches slowly from my body and prepare for the worst. But, before I emerge, I take a moment and appreciate the luster of the morning. I look around and find myself smiling at the beautiful storm.

“Good morning, mom,” I whisper.

Oh, wow. Is this something that happened to you?

No, this isn’t something that happened to me. I just thought about the morning, not mine in particular, and this is what came about. I woke up in a warm bed, with my children safely sleeping in their rooms down the hall. There is too much comfort in my morning and not enough pain. That’s why I chose this concept instead.

“the luster of the morning” I like that idea that it rhymes with muster giving it kind of a military twang.

Thanks, I agree. The soft glow of the morning.

So strange – I JUST wrote about my morning routine on my blog on Wednesday, for entirely different reasons! Hope you’ll take a gander, Joe & Write Practice friends. 🙂

http://shewritesandrights.blogspot.com/2012/01/morning-new-routine.html

Love the progression of this piece. What an incredibly hard change you have to make – and you’re doing great.

“I pour a mug for myself, mom’s mug.” – Beautiful.

Hi Bethany, I peeked at your post and it was delightful in a hopeful, somber sort of way. I am so sorry about your mom. I hope your blog brings you comfort — writing soothes loss in the strangest way. I will plan to stop by and read more in the upcoming days. Thanks for letting us know about it here! With care, kati

A semitruck bounces down the highway not a hundred feet from my head. I can hear scuffling in the kitchen. If I opened my eyes, I’d see my roommate getting ready for her day, cat gnawing at her feet. But I don’t open my eyes. My day has yet to start.

I return to dreamland, grateful for this time. The old lightswitch flips, the door squeaks, and keys turn the deadbolt. She’s off for the day, meaning I am Hank’s new victim.

Morning means a kitten ready for a playmate. Morning means the smell of coffee and buttered toast. Morning means new mercies.

Morning means I must tear myself from these warm sheets and turn myself into something that slightly resembles a person. Maybe.

I’m not a fan of mornings. The routine never seems to be completed before the clock sreams, “Time to go!”

Getting out of bed is one of the worst times to live in an ancient house with poor circulation and drafty windows. I throw a polar fleece blanket over my shoulders like a cape as I search for the slippers that Hank borrowed during the night. He chases my toes as they search in vain for their jackets. The living room end table is fifteen steps from my bed yet still my feet feel like blocks of ice sliding across the sloped wooden floor. Kitty slobber doesn’t help.

Luckily this morning’s activities involve a good book and cuddle time on the couch next to the heater. It’s times like this that make mornings bearable.

I don’t dare look at the clock. I dove too deeply into Romans and now I must pay the consequences. Every other morning activity is only allowed half of its required time.

From his perch on the back of the toilet, Hank watches my fingers as I move around the bathroom. He tries to help. “Amuse” may be a more accurate term. He loves mornings for it is in the morning when his playmates, his subjects, awaken and do what they do best: be chew toys.

In a hasty panic I throw everything I think I need into a bag and head out the creaky front door, into the morning mist, and to the car that needs de-icing before it too may bounce down the highway like semitruck that served as my alarm clock all of those minutes ago.

Interesting how much our furry companions are a part of life –

Focus. It’s 6:50. What needs to happen right now?

Dishes need to be done, and a lunch made for Andy.

My mornings are about tasks. The tasks used to own me. But now I’m the boss, and I own them.

I run this place. But it used to run me. It used to feel like a prison cell made of dirty diapers and forlorn expectations. My to-do list was the fire-breathing dragon that never slept.

But one morning, as he turned to scratch an itchy scale, I shanked him down to size. I said, “This is the express lane, Smoky, and it’s 10 items or less!”

Now I own this place. I manage my time. I set limits and priorities. I own myself.

Love it! As a mamma, I can relate!

Thanks, Steph! It was a kind of triumphal piece. 🙂

Alright, boss, we submit! This is great. “I’m the boss. I own them. I run this place, Smoky.” Super fun! You went from a prisoner to the prison boss, the guy with tats up and down his built arms, gettin his people to ship in drugs and conning the guards. You’re kind of scary, actually. 🙂

HaHa! well…minus the drug running! I’ve transitioned my mindset over the past few months about being a full-time mom at home. I had to take ownership for the choices I made in becoming a mom, and begin to look at it as a vocation. As I started to view myself more as a professional, it was easier to manage my time/tasks/resources like I used to in a traditional job. Huge difference in quality of life!

Nice. I like that.

Wow, that was clean and powerful! As a mom I was right there with you, I felt the ire rise in my own chest!

Go get your dragon, Beck! 😉

Yes, Jen! Dishes can wait. (Diapers, not really, alas).

“Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow…”

I have that monologue in my head everyday…the floors aren’t THAT bad. They’ll wait until tomorrow! 🙂

I love this Jen – freedom from the to do list – own your own day, own your own life. Very empowering. Have a great day.

Thanks, Nics! It’s what I try to do, some days more successfully than others. Glad to know that I successfully communicated the freedom – thanks for the feedback!

Sharp and snappy…good job!

Thanks! I had a little bit of “rawr” going on when I wrote it.

Loved this. Tasks aren’t going anywhere but attitude makes the difference. Going off to slay the laundry pile…

It makes all the difference. I’ve found that the attitude of ownership has made a huge change in how my day goes. It’s the difference between the laundry pile “happening” to me, and me taking out the laundry pile. You can call your dragon “Smelly.” 🙂

Wow! I love the energy as you take control. Powerful!

I’m sad to say that my energy waned by the end of the day, but today is always a new day! Thanks for the great feedback!

Love this. It’s a short passage with a long message. Good metaphor.

Thanks, Nancy! That’s exactly what I was going for – so thanks for the feedback!

I’m a stay at home mom by choice as well. I love how you describe your to-do list. I feel like I have one of those breathing down my neck as well. Our work is never done. I should be cleaning my floors rather than sitting here reading but the floors will have to wait. It’s actually quiet in my house right now. Kind of eerie 🙂

Joe- “My eyes open again and I know they must stay open.” So true. I love how your morning starts with a question about how you slept when really you want to still be sleeping. Katie

Thanks, Katie!

I’ve never been a morning person. I’ve often wished I was. The grass is greener on the other side of the fence, I suppose.

I grumble awake. My first thought most days, indeed this day, is, “I wish I could sleep longer.” The comfort and safety of my bed scream loudest in the mornings. Like Joe, the sharpness of my cell phone-turned-alarm clock pierces my pupils and I cannot read the screen clearly. There’s no need. My hand finds the snooze button instinctively, as if it needed no help from my brain. I’m not sure what good my brain is that early anyway. As I drag myself out of bed, because that’s what it takes these days, I head half-heartedly towards the day’s work.

There must be more.

It is lunch time and I still can’t see clearly. Why hasn’t the morning fog lifted? Why haven’t my eyes cleared themselves and been able to focus on the world yet? Why is my mind still groggy, as if I were only 5 minutes into my 9-minute-snooze; as if I have never fully wakened?

Someone I know once insinuated that a day doing something you hate can feel like years; and years of doing what you love can feel like a day. I have spent years doing that which I do not love. I am a night person who’s been relentlessly beaten by the morning day after merciless day.

But I have good news. My eyes are beginning to see clearly. Things are coming into focus. My mind is coming awake and the early morning fog is starting to lift. The beatings will end soon. It’s time to start my day.

(nods to Joe as the “someone I know”)

“5 minutes into my 9 minute snooze” – I like that!

Thanks Stephan!

Love it, Kevin. And I like this effort at narrative. I think you do it quite nicely. You’re in the moment, giving us good description and action, with a little spice of internal monologue. It’s great.

At the end you almost lose it though. I would have changed this, “But I have good news. My eyes are beginning to see clearly.” To something like this, “Later, though, my eyes begin to see clearly.” But overall this is a very strong practice, bud.

I also love the insinuation about my insinuating 🙂

Thanks Joe. What I tried to do there was describe a typical morning and then I shifted gears with your quote describing the fact that I feel as though I am living my life right now in the groggy, foggy, not quite awake feeling of the morning and at the end was hoping to make the point that the future is coming into focus and I’m about to truly wake up and stop the groundhog’s day of a morning my life seems to be and really start my day (which in your quote would equate to the rest of my life).

But I tried to do it without actually saying that is what I was doing, haha. I’m not sure if I was successful with that or not. Thanks for your critique. Meaningful as always.

Yeah, that makes sense. Also, it’s difficult to cover all of that in one paragraph, and usually when we’re trying to save space we summarize. It’s understandable. I think what you’re trying to do is fascinating and you definitely came close. Thanks bud!

Joe, in my brief time of knowing your blog, I’ve noticed you have an uncanny ability of writing timely posts, both for myself and others! When I checked your blog this morning, I had just finished working on a(nother!) rewrite of a “morning” scene in my WIP. Your post (in which I very much liked your “beanstalk” analogy!) made me think more about how to incorporate time into my text. I had a few minutes just now to spruce it up a little more in that regard. Here it is:

From his spot on the rear bench of his boat, Rex heard the church bells from town start up again. One , two, three chimes. He was anchored at the dock in front of the northern border town of Jack Pine, Minnesota, and had been for quite some time now. Eight, nine, ten. The morning train was officially an hour late. He rummaged beneath his seat, finally finding his metal thermal bottle lodged in the tip of the stern. He popped off the cover that did double-duty as a mug, pulled out the cork, and took a whiff. Strong stuff. If nothing else, he thought, let it be said of Phyllis that she knows how to brew a real pot of coffee: boiled black and thickened with an egg. Jet fuel, he called it, even though he had never flown in a plane. He poured the remainder of the sludge into the mug and, over its rim, stared down the town in front of him. Where could he go to kill time until the train finally came in? He had a bucket of silver shiners he could go sell to the bait shop on the shore. In fact, he used to be one of their top suppliers when he had lived in Jack Pine with Myrt. But the owner was also a man of God who wouldn’t do business with the divorced, unless they were the ones paying him. Not that Rex was properly divorced. Worse, in the eyes of the town folk -and quite possibly in those of the Almighty – he had wrenched a child from his mother’s arms and skipped town, leaving the helpless woman to fend for herself. Granted, he hadn’t strung their dirty laundry up to air along Main Street, but he had most certainly left a pile of it in his wake. At best, he could expect a proper Biblical stoning the minute he stepped into town. Christ, I’m was as crazy as old Mags, he thought. With a shaking hand, he rummaged in the storage compartment alongside his bench until he located the jar of mother’s milk he kept onboard for emergencies such as this. He sloshed it into his coffee, bringing it to level, and slammed it down. He closed his eyes, stretched back, and let the morning sun above wash over him and the waves below rock him until the drink found its way to his nerves. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Jack Pine, Minnesota, as just another port of entry, a necessary business stop, and until that morning train showed up for him to meet, he was going to the café to find himself a little lunch.

Perfect! I love serendipity (the concept, not the movie).

Ew: “thickened with an egg.” Do people really do that?

This character seems interesting so far, and you’ve got a great voice developed here. Lots of backstory, though. Like this, “Not that Rex was properly divorced.” I would try to put this “on screen” if you can. That’s an important bit of story that you don’t want to give away cheaply. And rather than having him thinking through why it’s going to be a pain going to this town, I would just show him having a pain going through the town. Does that make sense?

I really like this character though. Is he your protagonist?

Sadly, I can personally attest to this particular coffee recipe! (blech!!)

Thanks so much for your comments, Joe. This is the intro to my 4th chapter, which has been giving me FITS. As I commented before, backstory is starting to creep in and I’m not sure how to cope with it! You hit the nail on the head – I need to put it onscreen, which should work very well in this case. I’m just not sure how to transition from the previous chapter (change of place and a new day). Maybe I need to set the stage for that change at the end of the previous chapter better?

Sorry – I’m thinking “aloud” here. Thanks for your advice and time. I’m glad you like Rex. Yes, he’s the protagonist. Pesky SOB, won’t let me alone. Hence this crazy mess of a novel I’ve undertaken!

My life, in relationship to the morning, has shown signs of schizophrenic tendencies. My parents said I was a morning person at an early age. Up at the crack of dawn, I was eager to start my day with a bowl of corn flakes and a side of Romper Room on the TV.

But adolescence changed all that. During my high school and college years, there were summers I never even saw morning, unless we are talking about the front end of it. In my teen years I would greet the morning like a drunk anticipating a hangover. Daylight would have to work overtime peeling back my thickened eyelids. Finally, after most of the world had taken their lunch break, I was making my way to the bathroom for a shower.

Today, after parenthood and career have had their way with my aging earth suit, I have become rather chummy with a variety of aches and pains, and I must say, they are definitely night owls. They do their best work while I attempt a good night’s sleep.

This is pitiful to admit, but I think I burn more calories in my sleep than I do during the day. I am constantly tossing and turning and getting up multiple times to go to the bathroom. I recently came up with an idea for a new workout video, “Snooze till You Lose: Workout in Your Sleep.” I could make millions!

Now, my mornings are more like an act of surrender. I pull off my white pillowcase and wave it in the air. “I give up!” I shout to my nocturnal dynamic duo. Aches and Pains have won again. I rise like an aging wrestler getting up after the final bout of his career. My wife of 31 years sleeps soundly on her side of the bed. The alarm clock glows a dark green 5:00.

I shuffle stiffly toward the bathroom. Leaving the light off, I blindly take aim. Hello dear friend. Thanks for being there for me in the middle of the night. Thanks for putting up with my, well, you know. I flush in the dark.

I change into my workout clothes but plan to avoid the treadmill. I head downstairs to the kitchen for bran flakes and liquid energy. The dog is as perturbed as I am when I flip on the light. I settle into my easy chair and grab my Bible. Now my day begins. Now I am ready for the Light.

Great forth paragraph Tom, especially surrendering to the aches and pains. Now that I’m retired sometimes I just don’t get up.

“…my aging earth suit.” I dig that line. It’s something that each one of us can relate to in our own way. Well done.

I like the line, “I rise like an aging wrestler getting up after the final bout of his career.” It’s very descriptive and I can almost hear the bones cracking as he rises from his bed.

The “earth suit” is great.

I love your colorful description and humor. I think I chuckled most at “I pull off my white pillowcase and wave it in the air.” I could just see myself doing that! And the end, “ready for the Light.” I wouldn’t have a good reason to get up without him!

I really liked this line as well, I thought it was a good metaphor.

I love how you associate the light with being reading for the light of day – beautiful analogy. Thank you for your post I enjoyed reading it.

Love the term earth suit….and certainly can relate to nightly rousing, aches, and pains….caught my night life well.

Your hilarity strikes again! If you’d like to turn this into a more finished piece, say for your new newspaper job (which I’m still so excited about, for you), this should be your first paragraph, “This is pitiful to admit, but I think I burn more calories in my sleep than I do during the day.” That’s where you hooked me. I love the self-mocking tone, and mixed with the naive excitement. Everything after is great, too. Well done, my good sir.

Absolutely fabulous! I can’t even pick a favourite line! I really enjoyed this, and laughed at your visit with your old friend… really great piece!

I had the same thoughts as I was writing but I was afraid to admit them. Thanks for speaking for me.

A wonderfully honest telling of the hardship of the mundane. My mornings (and nights) are similar to yours, Tom. Thanks for not sugar-coating anything. I love how even after the worst of nights, the morning can still seem bright. Loved your redemptive outlook in this, while still acknowledging the struggle. (Btw, I kind chuckled at the bathroom scene. Guess I’m just a guy.)

I love to read things that make me laugh. I laughed a lot reading this. Hard to settle on one part as I liked the entire piece. The description, “aging earth suit” made me smile. Enjoyed this!

Joe that is exquisite. I can see it and I can feel the pocket of safety, warmth, life that is yours within the fog. It’s beautiful.

Thank you, Marianne 🙂

That’s supposed to say Steph (dang auto-correct!)

I liked the other as well – I think it would make a good character name! 🙂

The stars seem to fall or more like vanish to the coming day’s song. I hear the lock turn. Click. My front door opens and I walk out ready for the day. So I thought. My eye raise up to see a dreary but somehow calming morning.

The sky is a shade of black I had never seen before. A black that does not consume, but rather shine like a dawning day. I stare for a moment which in reality is nearly a full minute before shaking the spell it laid on me.

I walk briskly down the stone stairs. The ground feel cool even to the touch of my hard soled boots. The chill in the air covers me with the yearning to return to my warm bed that I had left not half an hour ago.

It’s humbling knowing I’m one of the few things that dare stir this long before the shining of day. Though most see the light as a sign of morning. The shining night that prepares it’s slumber is my vision of a true morning.

Happy Beginnings, New Day.

This is very beautiful. I should try to give writerly or readerish reasons why, but I won’t. Just lets say, it resonates in the way Silent Night does.

I know that shade of black. It’s almost impossible to describe and you’ve done the best description here that I think I’ve ever read. I tried it in mine but I kept to the sense of vision and couldn’t get it right. Bravo!!!

Ugh, my heart sinks to the tone of the annoying beep. I know it immediately, I’m going to pay. No longer a bounding youth, with bundles of energy and stamina, my body tells on me.

All nighters, or at least very late nighters, should be relegated to the twenty something years. Yet, there are nights when I struggle to relinquish the delicious silence, my solitude undisturbed by little ones lying quietly under the spell of sleep.

The growing sliver of light, slicing into the grayness of the room, announces my toddler. Silent as an Indian stalking game, she creeps up to the big bed. “Mommy?” a tiny voice questions. I giggle at being discovered, a simple game played without rules and ending predictably every morning.

Little hands reach out and I pull her up beside me. Tucked in close, her sweet breath caresses my face. We doze a moment together, tangled in the fuzzy cords of sleep. Sharply the alarm insists that the day be faced. In a toss of ringlets and kicking of covers, Maggie hops from the bed, answering the command. And so it begins.

I know this scene very well! Very well versed!

The morning light through my window is still gray. The baby is crying. He wants his wet diaper changed. I take it off and he curls back into a ball and falls asleep, naked. I hate to disturb him further, but I put a dry diaper on him, because I don’t want to have to change my sheets today. I lay down next to him. He nurses and I fall back to sleep.

An hour later I hear the recycle truck making its rounds. The wind had been fierce all night, and I have yet to take the trash out. I get up without waking the baby and pull an abaya over my pjs, and hurry the trash to the curb.

Since everyone is still asleep, so I take my kindle to bed to read the day’s news. I check today’s prompt, and wonder if I really want to write about morning. And when I do, it is 3:46 pm.

This was OK, but I didn’t really get the lat paragraph. The sentence, “Since everyone is still asleep, so I take my kindle to bed to read the day’s news”, was a bit awkward – you have to drop either “since” or “so” and then it would flow better.

The last line – I’m not sure I understood what it was you were trying to point out. Is it that you spent so long wondering about whether to write about the morning that by the time you did it was late afternoon? Or is the point that everyone else was still asleep at that time?

I think it means that she was trying to decide whether or not she’ll be doing the writing practice (which was to write about “mornings”). Though, by the time she was able to decide it was no longer morning.

The “so” was a mistake.

Fair enough, I take back what I said then 🙂

I loved your last line. I can relate. Maybe you had a long night with the baby. Morning came too soon and you weren’t really ready to think about it until 3:46 pm. Maybe between all the baby and kid stuff you didn’t get a chance to write about your morningn until then. And I’ve certainly had days when “morning” seems to last that long – you’ve just gotten back to that piece of bread you put in the toaster four hours ago, you’re finally grabbing a shower, making beds, etc. Not because you’re lazy, but because mothering children is a lot of constant work!

3:46 pm. I get it.

You say a lot about your day without saying a word here. I’m retired now but I remember those non-stop flight from dawn till dusk. I hope you take notes as much as you can. I wrote a horrible, really horrible, book when my daughter was about five and when I read it now I remember so much about her. It is the descriptions of the children in the book that I know I took from her, that bring her little girl self back to me. It’s better than looking at photos.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve never been a morning person. I never understood people who could bound out of bed, put on a pot of coffee and be instantly ready to face the day. For me, the lure of a cozy bed far outweighs that of a hot shower. I’m the guy who sets his alarm for 6.30, planning to get up, go for a run, and still have time to shower and make a fruit smoothie before arriving at work early to impress the boss.

But like all the best laid plans, this one never comes to fruition. Inevitably the snooze button is just a groggy swipe of the hand away, giving me relief from facing the reality of the day in 5 minute bursts.

When I was younger, I occasionally managed to push through these mental barriers. In high school I went through period of a couple of months where my morning routine was exactly as I described: up early, run, fruit smoothie. Even though it was mid-winter, pitch black and freezing cold, there’s something exhilarating about running that early in the morning. It gives you a feeling of superiority, pounding the pavement past houses full of lazy sleepers who can’t even be bothered to get up and experience what you do. “Lazy bastards”, I would think. “I can’t believe I used to be like that.” My iPod would provide the soundtrack to my life. Morning Glory by Oasis was my powersong.

Need a little time to wake up, wake up/ Well, what’s the story morning glory/ So well, but we need a little time to wake up wake up

But the best part about running at an ungodly hour on a cold dark December morning wasn’t feeling superior to those not doing the same – it’s the unspoken bond you have with other morning runners. The upwards nod, or raise of the eyebrows, as you run past each other, or even a quick “Morning” in between breaths, there’s an understanding that you’re all part of the same group: athletes committed to a cause, no matter how early you have to go to bed the night before.

Now, lying in bed with the alarm buzzing at 7am, I think of those people, that crazy club of morning runners, and I wish I were still part of them. I still could be, if I jump out of bed now, put my trainers on, and go, without a second thought.

I press snooze, and turn over. Maybe in another 5 minutes.

I open my eyes. I try to recall the dream I had but it keeps on slipping from my mind. I remember running. I remember my hands were bound in chains. I remember…nothing more aside from that.

Damn! I could have used that dream as story material.

I turn to the side and the clock on my bedside table has 4AM displayed on its digital face. Too early. I woke up too early. I close my eyes to try to go back to sleep. After a minute or two I give up. I sit up on my bed and stretch.

I pour myself a cup of coffee. I take the cup close to my face and I breathe in deep. I allow it to wash over me. I put down the cup without taking a sip—I don’t drink coffee. Is that weird? Every single morning I make myself a cup of coffee just to breathe in its wondrous scent. Everyone has their own quirks I guess. I tap on the touchpad of my laptop and the screen comes to life. A blank word document stares at me. I sigh.

Okay, time to go to work.

I’m about to place my fingers on the keys but then I hesitate. What to write? I try to recall my dream once again but I still find it elusive. I type in a couple of sentences. I read them once, then twice, and then I delete them. I turn my face to the ceiling and I spin on my swivel chair. It’s been a week already and I still haven’t gotten over my writer’s block. A minute passes by and I start to see patterns on the stains on my ceiling. I see a gnarled face of an old man. I see a skull. I see a spider sitting on top of the skull.

A skull-eating spider? No… An old man who loves to collects skulls. He has a pet spider. The spider’s not your typical spider though. It loves to eat the flesh off of dead people. Whenever the old man gets his arthritic hands on a newly found skull, he lets his pet spider eat the flesh off of it first—to clean it up, to make it look nice and neat. He then sets it on his wooden cabinet, along with the other skulls he had collected. He takes out a key in his pocket and he unlocks a drawer. Inside, another skull sits. It’s smaller than the others. It’s older as well. It has already turned yellow with age. He looks at it long. He looks at it with a smile. He doesn’t see a skull. He sees his son. The old man with the gnarled face starts crying, his pet spider sitting on his shoulder. I open my eyes and I start typing, the scent of coffee lingering in the air.

My body is tired, it fights for breath. I wake, reaching for the orange inhaler, that will ease the burning in my chest. Two maybe three puffs, and I sink back into the pillows. Breath comes easier now, not as jarred. What time is it? I reach for my phone, and bleary eyed try to focus on the small screen. 10.30am, I haven’t overslept that much, but I am still tired. Yet not sleepy.

Shafts of sunlight peer through my curtains. Bright light, that makes me want to get up and run. But not yet, I am still ill.

My morning pattern is disrupted. My brain feels heavy, my mind anything but mindful.

And, I am not happy.

I know illness cannot be overcome without rest. In the jumble that has become my morning, nothing is quite what it seems or what I feel it should be. Yet, I have to come to a place of acceptance, that without rest, I will not get better.

I long to return to the time of up, and out on the road. My breath hard and sharp again, but this time, because I am pushing, I am striding out. Several miles later, I return. I am free. I am ready for interaction. I can face my day.

In my head I am running.

In the dawn’s early light, when the only other souls up are farmer’s or doctors returning bleary eyed from nightshifts. My feet beat a rhytmn, my mind feels free, I am connected. I am within nature. A big sky stretches to the hills, clouds rest on her.

Several weeks now, without a run. Several weeks of weak breath, and tiredness. Of continual meds and higher doese. Several weeks of weakness. Several weeks please end today.

I slump back against the pillows, and dream for my morning’s, my running, my freedom – to return to me.

What are you up to this morning?

I’ve hooked up with the write practice this morning, pondering on their prompt morning, I’d love to know what morning means to you?

That’s it for now …

Salt and Sparkle = Life Remarkable

http://www.saltandsparkle.com/home/2012/1/21/morning.html

The room feels brighter than it usually is. I open my eyes wider and see the messed up blanket that my sister used. Oh, they already left for school. I grab my phone and check on the time. 07:10, it reads. I turn on my tummy and type a quick greeting as I do every morning, when I get up earlier than usual.

“Morning,” I typed and added a simple smile at the end.

I put it back on the bedside table and bury my face into my pillow. I can still sleep for an hour.

Eyes closed but mind wavering, I hear that familiar melody alerting a message. I turn, take my phone and read the new message. I smile.

Every morning seems like a routine already. A text message and a smile.

I lie back down on the bed, staring at the white ceiling as I think of the tasks I have to work on today. But I close my eyes again and feel sleepiness crawling back into me. There’s nothing much to do anyway.

Every morning, I battle laziness and sleepiness, since I no longer have classes, nor do I have a job.

I think about the things I could accomplish for a whole day, if only I wasn’t so lazy. More than one blog post would be ready for publishing. My crazy story – or maybe a short novel – idea could be planned out. I could finally memorize one song and play it on my recently repaired guitar.

So many things, so much time. And I could finish them too, if only I wasn’t so lazy. Eyes still closed, I feel everything growing dark. Everything around me quiet and still.

I’ll sleep for an hour and then I’ll get up and start working. But for now, I want to sleep.

Nice, Unisse. I want to know more about this, though: “I turn, take my phone and read the new message. I smile.”

It’s a message from someone special.

Every morning is the same. And no matter how many days pass by, it still makes me smile. 🙂

I love mornings….not one in particular, but all especially those early ones when I wake up in my cozy apartment, I look at the window and see no car,no people, nothing…like I am the only one on the Planet. Then I imagine myself so many things waiting for the sun to show up. I prepare my coffee and relax till 7 when I go downstairs to by the newspaper. I have a nice conversation with the old man at the newsstand and I’m coming back in my apartment. I check my email, read the newspaper, drink half of my coffee and take a shower. Then it comes the difficult part: I have to get dress!:) After changing my outfit 3 or 4 times, I put a little make up if I still have time, brush my hair and call for a cab. I watch myself in the mirror for the last time, I take a deep breath and then I run on the stairs because I realize how late I am:)

Well chosen details – I was immediately in your “world.” Cool.

As I open my eyes to another mist filled brisk morning, my first thought is that I have another day to enjoy life. I’m not quite ready to give up the reverence of the misty glaze that greets me, the warm mist rising through the rays of the sun. The sense of peace so completely overwhelms me. The quiet loudly fills my soul and I just want to revel a few more minutes in those first moments of the day, before the reality of life sets in and my day blossoms.

This was quite beautiful, Patty. I especially liked this, “The quiet loudly fills my soul and I just want to revel….”

The urge to roll over wins. Turning slowly I realize anxious little eyes jumping up and down next to the bed, begging entrance under the warm covers. I lift the duvet signaling admission and happy eyes enthusiastically crawl over me and snuggle in between toasty bodies.

My eyes glance at the clock – 4:something. Not time to get up yet. Scrunching my pillow, I nestle down for a couple more hours of sleep. Ahhh…

I’m awakened rather harshly by sheets of rain pelting against my window with curious force. Groping in the darkness, I reach for my cell and squint to see the time. It’s 6:30 a.m.

When a loud crash of thunder shakes the entire house with a thundering boom, all morning drowsiness suddenly disappears. The sheets feel cool and delicious, but an overwhelming urge to peek out the window at the storm overrides my desire to enjoy the comfort of the bed.

I pad across the floor in bare feet. The trees are bending low, their limbs waving violently as the wind whips about. Lightning bolts every few minutes, illuminating the world momentarily.

It’s extraordinary. We don’t get thunderstorms in January. And such an unusual occurrence on a winter Saturday morning calls for comfort. The type of comfort that can only come from warm, melt-in-your mouth goodness. Sugar and butter.

The hum-drum of falling rain becomes a comfortable, familiar rhythm as ingredients are measured and mixed. Dough is kneaded, rounded, and shaped into little rolls. Soon, the smell of cinnamon wafts through the air.

I open the window to take a deep breath of the fresh rain scent. Early morning hours are pure magic.

This is what I experienced this morning. I enjoyed reading your creative descriptions.

Thank you, Lea!

Very much enjoyed this today.

Eyes not yet open, I snuggle back and our bodies meld together as one. Sean’s arm is wrapped around me, protecting me from the world. One of my ear plugs has fallen out and the other has wiggled it’s way to the half mark and threatens to leap at any moment.

The morning used to be my favourite time of day. I loved getting up while it was still dark out and nobody else is stirring. I would sip my morning tea, enjoying the uninterrupted silence, and challenge the crossword puzzle. Alas, those days are now as rare as a hen’s tooth.

My last mini marshmallow has now fallen from my ear and my peace is interrupted. An irksome cacophony has commenced outside my window, likely a murder of crows, which I would ironically very much like to do away with at this moment. I try to jam my earplugs back in place, to no avail. My eyes have popped open and there’s no going back. Time to get up.

I put aside my murderous thoughts, and tenderly place a kiss on his wrinkled brow. And as I turn for my robe, he jumps up and is do and wn the stairs before me. I am envious of his astonishing agility as I hobble my w ay down with aching arches from overdoing it the gym yesterday. I should have listened to the doctor and bought those arch supports after all.

He sets the coffee to brewing, he has put the kettle on for my tea, and as I near, he turns towards me, with an impish smile. He sweeps me up in his arms, leading me around the kitchen, and our laughter takes the place of the lyrics to the marvellous melody that only we can hear.

And this beautiful day begins.. .

Wow. I feel slightly jealous!

That is beautiful, both the description “mini marshmallow”, “his astonishing agility as I hobble down with aching feet”, and the morning itself. I love “dancing to a melody that only we can hear”.

I love your writing, Joe. Your words are so perfectly descriptive and I can see the sights out your window. It’s all good but that second paragrpah is especially spectacular. Very well done.

Thanks so much, Shelley.

It’s four thirty. The ritual begins with the knowledge that I should get up and start writing. But I’m just so toasty warm. Maybe I’ll lie here and plan the next chapter from my pillow. Soon my head is overflowing with details. I stick one arm outside of the covers, braving the chill, and reach for my writer’s notebook. I fumble for the light switch and then my glasses. My husband grumbles and turns away from the light. As my tired eyelids slowly rise, I scribble down some notes, but I can’t read them. Oh heck. I need to be at my computer. I throw on some sweats and stop by the bedroom window. The street light at the top of my driveway illuminates a steady stream of rain. But no other lights are on up and down the street. I am the first one up. Winning! By the time I get to my office, Old Man McCarthy across the street has turned on his kitchen light. Whew. That was close. He almost beat me. For another morning we’ll make our coffee in sync. While my kitchen fills with the aroma of freshly brewed café Verona, I check e-mail and Facebook. I respond to all my night owl friends who wrote after I had gone to bed. After pouring my first cup of coffee, I google search for my novel. Then I do a fifteen-minute Write Practice. It’s a warm up, I tell myself. Lots of time has passed, and I need a break. So I get the newspaper and pour my second cup of coffee. And then I panic. Every day the same. It’s eight o’clock already. My husband is not on assignment right now. If he smells that coffee and wakes up, my writing is shot. He will arrive in my office with an ironclad plan for the day. I scribble madly on my notepad and then on my keyboard, nervously listening for the creak of hardwood under slippered feet. Will I ever finish this second draft?

I like the idea of making coffee “in sync” with the neighbor. The details here are simple but well chosen. I feel like I’m looking in and then at the end I feel the rush like it’s me trying to get finished before something makes me leave my writing. I’m watching and then I’m there. It’s like a good movie.

I wake up. But I was never really asleep. Not last night. Not most nights.

My days are busy, full of worry and wonder. And the occasional exciting event.

But today, I am aware. Of the emptiness and routine. I eat my oatmeal, swishing it around in my mouth before I swallow. I can barely taste the gritty mush. For a moment, I think of the Matrix, but the thought passes and I hear the kettle shriek.

I go to the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee. French press — the way I prefer it. I haven’t smiled yet today.

I sit in front of my laptop, with a blanket and dog covering my legs. And I begin to write.

The only sound in the house is the central heating (or air, I’m not sure) kicking on and off every few minutes. That, and the rapid clicking of keys. The world is still asleep.

I lean over the arm of the couch and type. An hour later, I feel the strain in my back. Time flies in the morning.

I say goodbye to Ashley. I didn’t even notice her getting up. Or showering and brushing her teeth. Or even getting breakfast. She kisses me as she walks out the door, and my gaze returns to the screen.

1500 words. It was a good morning.

Finally, I smile.

And morning begins.

A paling night sky glows through my high basement window. I turn into my pillow, I sleep again, and dream of a road into a house, into a room, into air.

I wake to a pink light diffusing into waning night. A winter-bare rosebush is revealed by the pink light. I turn back to the pillow, draw the covers around my shoulder, and dream about an elevator that leads to a ceiling, and beyond that a maze of vines.

I feel the warm sun from the window. I see a wren in the rosebush, hopping, cocking its head to look at me. I the song of another wren, and I throw off some covers, turn the pillow, and push my face into it’s cool side. My little cat curls close and we dream about a zoo, with tiny animals that keep getting loose.

The sun gets hotter. It’s no use, I wake up. The cat jumps to the hot window sill to sleep some more. I try to think back and untie the dreams, but they have curled up with the cat to sleep on the other side of consciousness.

Some really great lines… “I wake to a pink light diffusing into waning night.” beautiful… and that last line… so perfect!

The night is still awaiting the sun. They have always been aware of each other but could not ever meet. Soon the water will wake up and awaken all roots. Trees will break the slumber of birds to sing and wake up all the world. Soon from the other side of the crack in the mountains, light would flutter and rise above the earth. The earth will glow like a bride’s face. Thus, begins the awaking of another day.

Krishna Kumar

You’re a poet, Krisha.

Is it any Good or am I wasting your time and mine ?. I request your candid response.

It’s beautiful.

My body is warm and cozy under the weight of the blankets and, although I am awake before dawn, I do not wish to get out of bed. The thought of the chilly air colliding with my warm skin causes me to burrow deeper in to the bed and even closer to the warm body of my husband. I feel safe and at peace wrapped in my lovers arms.

“Good morning. I love you,” he whispers in my ear, then snuggles even closer.

What a wonderful thing to hear first thing in the morning. I respond in kind.

The wind howls across the lake. Tree limbs sweep back and forth over the roof. A low rumble of thunder in the distance soon becomes a lion’s roar, rattling the windows and shaking the house. The dark blue sky lights up as a bolt of lightning strikes nearby.

I lay there and think how our outdoor plans for today have just been cancelled and I smile.

I really like the “lion’s roar” bit!

The first thing that wakes me is my phone buzzing to alert me to an e-mail. I glance at it bleary-eyed. The address bar tells me some barbaric blog site called “The Write Practice” was active at 8:18 in the morning. The subject bar seems to mock me. “Morning,” it says, as if I were stupid and didn’t know that already. “No shit,” comes my muttered oath. I throw the phone back onto the night table, groan lightly and pull the covers over my head to keep out the unwanted morning cool. What seems like seconds later, the phone vibrates again. I give it a cursory glance, seeing my friend’s name this time, and know that I have to answer. With oodles of sweet, sweet sympathy and plenty of smiley faces to camouflage my case of morning bitch, I respond to her cry for help. 9:24, I read on the bright, bright screen that is then placed face-down under my pillow. I lie there for a moment, thinking that I really should get up. I have to vacuum the house. I have to clean my closet. I have to drink coffee and eat breakfast. I have to start building a responsible morning routine. Something must be wrong with me. I have no problem getting up at 5:00 in the morning to get to school, I think. Why can’t I get up at 9:30 when I don’t have somewhere to be? Something’s wrong. I snort at my own interior monologue and close my eyes again. My 10:00 alarm rings. Just a couple seconds of waking up time, I think, then I am really getting up. I hear my mother yelling at my little brother that he can’t just sit around all day – chores are to be done in the morning. I think to myself, yeah, I should get up and do mine, too. I fall back asleep. The vacuum cleaner turns on at 11:30. I drag myself out of bed and up the stairs to where my mother sits on the couch watching television. “Who’s vacuuming what?” I ask irritably. She looks at me. Her blue eyes glow with contempt at my disheveled appearance. “Your father is doing sanding work in our bathroom. He’s vacuuming the dust that fell.” “Oh,” I say stupidly. “Chores need to be done,” she reminds me. “Your brother did the bathroom already.” I splutter. “What?! I did the bathroom last night!” I explode in French. English isn’t expressive enough. “Did he not notice that everything was spotless and all the towels were changed and that it smelled like cleaner?” “Oh well, now it’s just doubly clean,” she states matter-of-factly. That’s not how it works! I am furious. I should have gotten up earlier, this wouldn’t have happened. Screw this. I’m going back to bed.

“The subject bar seems to mock me. ” Loved that and your response to it!

Whoops, sorry for double posting!

The Morning After Cats (Not The Musical)

My eyes are drawbridges, slowly rising, opening up to let the world through. I barely slept, my own wheezing keeping me awake half the night. Cats. Always the culprit. Sure they are cute in their own way. Furry, fuzzy, playful. Somehow they always find me. But waking up in the morning in a house where a cat lives has been the equivalent to the worst hangover of my life the several times I’ve done it. I’m always woozy, mostly from trying to inhale real air and failing due to that one piece of cat hair stuck precariously in the back of my throat. My airway constricts. I feel sick and panicky, wondering how I’m going to get out alive.

Okay, I lied. Waking up the morning after I’ve been in a house with a cat all night is worse than a hangover.

I swell. I itch. My eyes become narrower and narrower until I can barely see. Laying down is a death wish. If I don’t want to wonder how I’m going to make it through the night while reclining, I have to sleep sitting up. Imagine that. Being that close to the carpet of hair never works for me, although I’ve tried. I’m not the most allergic person to cats I’ve ever known, but I’m pretty bad. My dad could be worse. He’s just the most allergic person to most things I’ve ever known. He’s allergic to the sun. Breaks out in hives if he’s out in the sun for more than a half hour. So as a result he wears a lot of sunscreen. But back to the cats.

I remember the first time I was around cats overnight. I was in New Jersey, staying at my long distance boyfriend’s house. I was 17 and it was probably the first time I’d stayed away from home in a different state than the one I lived in with people who weren’t my relatives. It was really exciting until it was bedtime. Aside from the thick layer of dust infesting my teenage boyfriend’s bedroom (my sleeping quarters while he slept on the couch), there was my worst enemy: the central heating duct. Circulating air all night. Not clean air. Hot, cat air. The kind that makes me itch when it blows on my skin. The kind that is gross and musty and dusty and cat-y. Ugh, I didn’t sleep at all that night and from then on, whenever there’s been a cat in my midst, I cringe.

Sidenote: people who aren’t allergic to cats never know how hard it is to be allergic to something that they think is a part of their family. Imagine being allergic to someone’s baby. Sure you like the baby and would love to hold it and love it and give it attention but because you know you’re going to sneeze and convulse and not be able to breathe for the next day or two, you sort of want to avoid it. Like the plague. Then people get offended that you don’t want to play with their pet. To some they think it akin to ignoring their baby because to them, it IS their baby. Well, I’m sorry. I like your cat/baby, but I can’t help it! When I come over to your house, I feel bad because for some reason, your cat likes me. A LOT. It wants to rub against my pant leg (oh great, now I have to wash that.). It wants me to pet it and it will purr until I do. (Have to wash my hands now! Twice. And scrub). And sometimes it can sense my fear (not of it but of it’s hair invading my nostrils like a disease) and it runs away from me. Those times, I’m lucky. They say I could take allergy medicine. But can you imagine being told you need to take a pill every time you come over to someone’s house? A pill that makes your dopey and tired and silly stupid? That’s what allergy medicine does to me. So I’ll take it if I’m desperate, but otherwise, I’m just going to fake it and pretend that I’m not dying if I come over to your house when you have cats. Please don’t be offended. Your furry friend isn’t a friend to me. And for that, I apologize.

My cell phone rings. It’s the alarm clock. My arm goes sideways and turn it off. The rest of my body follows and immediately I’m back to sleep.

I always dream deeper after the first alarm sounds. This morning is different. I don’t stay in bed, I wake up, walk to the bathroom, pee, wash my face, dry it. I walk to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee on the stove. I turn around and walk back to the bathroom to take a shower that is warm but not too hot (that can elevate your blood pressure, did you know?).

I get dressed, do my hair, make up and choose what shoes to wear. I take my time organizing my bag and getting my lunch ready. After everything is done I go wake up Felipe so we can have breakfast together.

I go in to my room and sit on the edge of the bed, I stretch my arm to touch him and that’s when the alarm clock sounds and I really have to wake up, so I can start everything again.

*Sorry for any mistakes! I’m brazilian! 😉

The second paragraph here has the rhythm of a morning routine. I think if you leave off the last sentence of the second paragraph. it would be even plodding, with the over-learned cadence of a morning routine. The last sentence in that paragraph stands out as something all together different. It is interesting info but not necessary in this very spare and very well written little story about that awful dream we all have about getting ready. Boy I hate to do all that stuff twice. I don’t see any errors. Your English is better than a lot of native speakers for sure.

Great job, Joanna. You’re English is EXCELLENT.

I like this interjection here: “(that can elevate your blood pressure, did you know?).” I didn’t know that!

Besides that, I agree with everything Marianne said. Great stuff, Joana 🙂

An abrupt awareness of my position in the bed and my aloneness in the dark room signaled a switch in consciousness from asleep to awake. I closed one eye before glancing toward the digital clock to prevent overstimulation. 5:43. I shouldn’t bother using an alarm.

The list of verbs had begun to accumulate the moment my eyes opened. Stand up, walk, drink, heat, eat, drink, dress, drink. I had plenty of time to wake up but only 45 minutes to digest before I’d be forced to throw my entire body into violent action on the tennis courts.

I followed the kitchen tiles around the counter to the stove and jolted backwards the moment I lifted my eyes. An unmistakable cockroach perched threateningly on the kitchen cabinet. The urge to scream pushed its way up my throat, and I shivered it back down. We stood-off, the cockroach and I, each paralyzed in an unexpected break in morning routine.

At 7:10 my alarm clock rings out, I aggressively slam the snooze button for a few more precious minutes of sleep. I roll over and return to my slumber, until my persistent and noisy wake up call tries again. This time I listen, and open my eyes to a chilly and rather cluttered room. After laying there and pondering the day ahead I arise from my bed and begin preparations for school which begins at 8:30. I have 15 minutes until I need to leave. It takes me a few more minutes to wake up. “If I hurry I can grab some breakfast before I leave,” I say to myself as I put my jeans on. I then gather my books and place them in my backpack. I now have 5 minutes before I need to leave. “No time for breakfast.” I brush my teeth and say so long to my mom who is sitting on the couch chatting with a friend. I walk out the door and toward my car. I look down my street to see the sun greeting me just as he did the morning before. I start my engine and another day begins.

A thick gulp of water, darkness Swipe my I.D. badge, followed by job title “Beep”… “beep”. Beliefs crystallize to a steaming teacup The warmth never sweetens my interpreted poise Words in a vague structure An exposed connection with hazel eyes, mine Two more clear faces before a mistaken stranger’s hello

-Not really D.J., it’s Sarah

If I didnt see this writing exercise, I would probably have never written anything praticularly about the morning. Because actually, im not really a morning person, I usually dont wake up before noon. Its probably because I go to bed much too late. Dont know why my sleeping routine has seriously changed since im here, in Porto. Maybe im more relaxed? Could be.

My morning starts with snoozing the alarm of my mobile phone, like 5 times. So that gives me almost half an hour more of sleep, yay! I push of the blanket so I feel the cold air touching my skin through my pjama, which helps me to get out of bed. I open the curtains, slowly walk towards the bathroom and wash my face, which helps me to really wake up, because most of the time I feel like a zombie. But the funny thing is that actually Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day, I always enjoy it. A piece of toast, some olives, cheese, and ofcourse a boiled or preferebly scrambled egg. Thats how I start my day, if I have time. If I dont have time, its just yogurt or cereal, but thats also fine by me. As long as I eat something before I leave the house, otherwise I can not function. If I have a shower, a long hot shower, thats even better. It takes me about half an hour to get ready to leave the house. Put on my clothes, do my make up and prepare my bag. It wasnt so bad, the morning. Maybe tomorrow, I will snooze my alarm just 2 times.

At the sound of the alarm, I sneak downstairs in darkness to hit ‘Brew’ on the coffee machine, sneak back upstairs to steal a few more minutes of dark peace, waiting for black gold to gather in the carafe. Those moments nestled between sleep and waking, branded with residues of dreams cooked up in mental battle between emotion and reason, peppered with random thoughts not subsided float up to consciousness. I lay in the warm covers grateful for time’s in-betweens, a drifting meditational fuzz lazily selecting early focus. It’s well understood even by my floating mind that this is a warm-up, and as so nothing it stops and sniffs out really ‘counts.’ Once fresh coffee presents its warm comfort, the day can’t be denied entrance and I welcome my morning ritual and all its events, still folded tight like tissue paper origami.

Downstairs a private world of responsibility and discovery beckons me. After that first joyful cup of java, I march to. Given too much time to craft justifications to delay a workout, I might let the body’s temple decay or expand beyond its blueprint, so I’ve shifted to meeting the varying workout routines with excitement and interest. Amazing how quickly the temple’s alter is anointed when entered with reverence and joy. A timed shower, gathering of commuter’s armaments – lunch, backpack, reading and communication tools – and buttoning up the house for departure seals the morning as I step out into wooded surroundings. The best days are clear, allowing sapphire blue to seep through trees not yet adorned with leaves. Spring is here and I couldn’t feel more fresh and alive.

There are few things more sacred than the stillness, the newness of each morning. As the phone jostles me awake, silently, I groan at the thought of leaving the comfort of my warm bed, I struggle to push the memory of another kind of comfort that awaits me to the forefront of my mind. I stumble towards my closet, wiping the sleep from my eyes and in an almost robotic fashion, pull on a pair of shorts and a shirt- whichever is conveniently residing at the top of the pile.

While my feet still ache from the previous day’s work, the sight of my trusty running buddies begin to call my senses awake. I lace them up and head for the door. Along the way, I don the appropriate apparel, a reflective vest, a lamp to light the way and a spritz of motivation to keep me moving forward.

The double beep of the door ushers me into the still cold darkness and the burst of fresh air ignites my senses. I coerce myself to put one foot in front of the other, forcing myself into a rigid forward motion. I look around at the still darkened windows of my neighbors as I pass and I feel more together than alone.

While the rest of the world still delights in their slumber, I am accompanied by my thoughts, my dreams, and the increasing chirps of nature slowly yawning and stretching to greet the new day. I’m more alive than ever and surer of my place in the world. Right here, where I belong, I awake to find my place- one foot in front of the other in the stillness and newness of each morning.

I wish I could bottle up dawn. If I could, I would place them in a vessel of fragile crystal, and hide them from sight. I would tiptoe to my precious cargo, and take it out of sight. I would cradle it, taking care to delight in it.

Dawn is a release-yes, for us!- from the shackles of the night. It is the slow spread of vibrant colors of blushing reds, joyful orange, somber blues, and the golden lights of bottled laughter against an almost black canvas of the now lost yesterday. It is the frozen tabelau of a world still sleeping, and a break from an almost neverending motion of life. In my dawn, I feel peace.

After the slight struggle of the night’s shackles, I am tired and weary. My bed beckons me, but the day must begin. And after I wrestle my cotton clouds of comforts, and trudge to the room of cleaning, I see my world in a new light. The air is crisp, and fresh. My grateful lungs inhale it to replace the stale air of the night before. My brain is rested, and my body rejoices in a world of delightful silence. Even the birds seem to share my joy, chirping in absolute delight.

If I could bottle my dawn, I could trade the day’s chaos and noise for the wonderful world of stillness and peace. Dawn is a treasure, a gift sent from my Creator. Dawn is peaceful, and dawn is a delight.

I love the mornings. It is my time alone. To do what I want whether it’s watching TV., making cookies, or writing. The start of a new day. A fresh start. A new beginning. Yesterday is gone.

Hello, an extract from a story where the ‘morning’ theme applies in the most standard of ways (the fact that the story is set in the morning) haha. Hope you enjoy and any feedback is much appreciated. Thank you! P.S. Don’t be afraid to be harsh. All was still. The road hadn’t been used for hours, undisturbed sand settled inside the cracks and crevasses of the tarmac. The sun rose from the East, casting long morning shadows over the ground. The only sounds came from the distinctive flapping of bird’s wings as they rose for their morning flight. All was normal.

The events of the morning so far were no different than any other. It was seldom that cars ran past and on very rare occasions the thundering of cargo carriers could be heard overhead. With the exception of the long tarmac carriageway, the only man made object was the tatty, faded route 66 sign, the flaking white paint had largely been ripped off by the wind and replaced with the orange tint of sand granules, the two black number sixes still served their purpose however as they could still be identified through the windscreen of a passing motor. The 66th route lead in a straight line from the North to the South, when standing next to the dilapidated sign the black tarmac surface was no longer visible after two miles in both directions. Bronze canyons cast in light and dark shadows swallowed each point of the road and made it impossible to see any further. Apart from the birds, life was a scarcity along the orange plains that fell and rose in the East and West. Thick Cacti, rooted to the ground were dotted every now and again in random places for as far as the eye could see, their underground tentacles digging for the remnants of the wet seasons rain water. Survival of the fittest.

The faint hum of engines grew louder and louder until two cars were spat onto the road from the North Canyon. The sun’s rays bouncing back off the windows and silver linings of the vehicles. It did not take them long to cover the three-kilometre distance to the sign. But there they went no further, the two vehicles, now distinguishable as a lime green Jeep and bright red Buick, came to a halt yards away from the pole that supported the triangular sign.

I hear the front door of our apartment creak open and the accompanying clatter from the 5 small chimes banging against each other and the door. It is a startling awakening. It’s 5 a.m. my son has just arrived home from working overnight. I know that it is him for reasons beyond the fact that he is the only person that would be entering at that time of day.

It is the sounds that give him away. The first sound that you hear is the electronic key pad of the door lock. Each number keyed sounds a different pitch. So, in theory, to gain access the sounds would be the same if you or I know the combination. However, there is another variable to consider. Tempo.

Each member of the family marches, to a different drum beat. Or, when they key the combination into the front door lock some do it very fast, others slow. This drastically affects the sounds of the person entering the house and is also a clue to who might be entering. I tend to hit the repeated numbers faster in double time. Like dah tatta dah! Then there is the opening of the door.

The door makes a unique sound and is made up of at least three parts. The sound of the hinges of the door, the chimes and yes the tempo or speed in which the action is taken. My son usually opens the door quickly, and the creaking sound of the door is one quick, short screech. At that speed, those dangling chimes go to town and clash like crazy. It is loud.

My wife usually opens the door at a tempo that fully maximizes the potential of those chimes. They sound like the tiny bells in a hand bell choir. She really likes those bells, and I would give just about anything to throw them away.

Back to my morning. It is 5 a.m. and I am ready to rock and roll!

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How can one effectively depict a character waking up from a nightmare in writing?

Depicting a character waking up from a nightmare in writing can be a powerful and evocative scene. Here are some effective ways to portray this moment:

Start with physical sensations: Begin by describing the character's physical reactions as they wake up from the nightmare. Use sensory details to convey their heightened state of fear or distress. For example, you can mention their rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, or the feeling of their breath catching in their throat [3] .

Show the character's emotional state: Explore the character's emotions as they wake up from the nightmare. Use vivid language to convey their fear, anxiety, or confusion. Show how their emotions linger even after they wake up, leaving them unsettled or on edge [1] .

Use vivid imagery: Depict the nightmare itself through vivid and haunting imagery. Describe the unsettling or terrifying elements of the dream in a way that creates a lasting impact on the reader. This can help to convey the intensity of the character's experience and their emotional state upon waking [1] .

Incorporate internal thoughts and reflections: After the character wakes up, allow them to reflect on the details of the nightmare. Instead of explaining the entire dream to the readers, provide hints and fragments that allow them to piece together the meaning of the nightmare. This can create a sense of intrigue and engage the readers' imagination [1] .

Show the character's recovery process: Depict how the character gradually calms down and regains their composure after waking up from the nightmare. This can include actions such as taking deep breaths, seeking comfort, or engaging in a grounding activity. Show their transition from fear to a more stable emotional state [3] .

Remember, the key to effectively depicting a character waking up from a nightmare is to engage the readers' senses and emotions, while leaving room for interpretation and reflection. By using descriptive language and focusing on the character's physical and emotional reactions, you can create a vivid and impactful scene.

Learn more:

When and How to Write a Character Waking Up
waking up from a dream without it being......tacky? | Creative Writing Forums - Writing Help, Writing Workshops, & Writing Community
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How to Describe Someone Fainting in a Story

By Rebecca Parpworth-Reynolds

Are you writing a scene in your novel where a character faints? This post is for you. Scroll down to get some suggestions on how to describe someone fainting in a story by using the following terms.

1. Black Out

Becoming unconscious suddenly but for a short amount of time.

“After drinking heavily , he suddenly blacked out and couldn’t remember anything that happened afterwards.”

“The intense heat made her feel dizzy and she blacked out , waking up a few minutes later on the ground.”

How it Adds Description

Alongside letting your reader know that a character has fainted, if they have “blacked out,” this could also imply a loss of memory. It’s up to you how important the memories and events are that the character may have forgotten!

2. Collapsing

Falling or passing out due to sickness or weakness.

“As soon as the athlete crossed the finish line, he collapsed , his legs unable to keep him upright any longer.”

“As soon as she saw how high up she was, the girl collapsed to the floor in sheer terror.”

Describing someone as “collapsing” when they faint helps you to describe the movement that they make as they fall and lose consciousness. It creates the perfect juxtaposition between someone who is one moment strong and standing tall and the next a crumpled heap on the floor.

3. Keel Over

To fall over suddenly.

“As they continued to walk, suddenly their guide keeled over , taking everyone by surprise.”

“As the tension built up during the intense business negotiation, one of the participants suddenly keeled over , overcome by the stress and pressure.”

Originally a nautical term, “keeling over” is now something that can be attributed to someone falling over or collapsing. It is a sudden, rigid movement, so using this as a way to describe someone fainting is a great way to keep your characters and your reader on their toes!

4. Knocked Out

Losing consciousness thanks to a physical blow , usually to the head.

“The boxer delivered a powerful punch to his opponent’s jaw, causing him to fall to the ground and be knocked out cold.”

“As she traversed the mountainous terrain her foot slipped on some loose ground causing her to lose her balance. Tumbling backward, her fall was broken by a rock, immediately knocking her out .”

“Knocked out” helps you to describe the unconsciousness that comes with physical trauma. Often these might happen in the action genre during a fight or can be suspenseful moments where a character’s life is in danger.

5. Out Like a Light

To become unconscious quickly .

“As soon as she heard the hissing of the gas she knew she was in danger. Before she could react she was out like a light .”

“The driver of the car had hit his head on the steering wheel and gone out like a light during the crash, leaving her the only one awake and conscious inside the smoking vehicle.”

Sometimes when someone faints it is as if someone has flicked some sort of off switch inside their head. If you need to illustrate to your reader just how quickly someone has fallen unconscious, consider using the idiom “out like a light”.

6. Pass Out

Becoming unconscious for a short time , usually when ill, badly hurt, or drunk.

“As soon as she saw the needle, her knees weakened and her vision blurred, and then she passed out onto the floor.”

“It looked like the competition at the bar were too much for him. Crashing his shot glass down on the table his head soon followed as he passed out .”

“Pass out” can help you to describe a brief fainting spell in your story. Usually when someone passes out it is not due to as serious a cause as other types of fainting: perhaps the character drank too much or saw something scary?

7. Swooning

To experience extreme pleasure or happiness.

“The damsel swooned in the knight’s arms, overwhelmed by his chivalrous demeanor and heroic rescue.”

“At the sight of the gruesome scene, the young woman felt herself swoon , slipping away into darkness to end in a crumpled heap on the floor.”

“Swooning” is one of the most classic literary terms when it comes to fainting, making it a perfect choice if your story is set in or takes inspiration from the past. Many fair maidens swoon in tales of legend, and it was a common cliffhanger for 19th century novels. It can also help you to describe someone fainting when they are overcome by emotion rather than a physical factor.

A period of time where a person is unconscious .

“The doctors knew that they had to keep him awake at all costs. If he fell into syncope now there was a high possibility he would never wake again.”

“Although most of the side effects of the medication were harmless, the word “ syncope ” in bold lettering on the side of the bottle worried her a little.”

“Syncope” is the medical term for being unconscious, so it is a great word choice if you need to create realism in a medical setting or in relation to medicine in your story. It may be that your characters, as well as your readers, may be confused when it is mentioned, making the idea of fainting more of a shock when a medical professional reveals the meaning!

Falling quickly and without control.

“The old man lost his balance, tumbling down the stairs and bumping his head.”

“In her excitement, the little girl lost control of her footing, tumbling down the hill to land in a heap at the bottom.”

“Tumble” helps you to be able to describe the motion one might take when fainting. It helps to illustrate to your reader the lack of control your character has not only over their body, but also their surroundings.

10. Unconscious

Not being awake and aware of what is going on around you.

“After being struck on the head, he stumbled for a moment before falling unconscious to the ground.

“The stifling heat caused her to lose hold of her senses, before she ended up unconscious in the desert sands.”

Although it may not seem like the most imaginative choice out there, using “unconscious” to describe someone who has fainted still has its benefits. For example, it can help you to illustrate just how out of it they are, and also how vulnerable they might be to other events and characters in your story.

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Writing Discussion

Waking up in the first person narrative (1 Viewer)

Thread starter DavidR
Start date Nov 2, 2012
Nov 2, 2012

Hello, my name is David. I came across an idea for a story that stumped me, and it has lead me here. I'm trying to begin a first person narrative with my protagonist groggily waking up in an unfamiliar location. Now I understand to place myself into the character's POV and describe the story through their thoughts and feelings. Yet this is an unique case where they aren't fully conscious and I'm wondering how I can show that in a first person narrative meant to be told in the present tense. I don't want to briefly assume a third person narrative to describe their surroundings, I want both them, the protagonist AND reader to be groggy and unaware as they slowly come to visualize their situation. Such that the reader feels "they" just groggily woke up in an unfamiliar location. Thank you,

I guess you'll have to use your imagination. I've awakened a number of times groggily and in an unknown location. It's just like any other time when you wake up, only it takes longer and at some point you say, holy cow, where am I? Then you have to figure out how you got there and where you parked your car. If there's someone next to you, that can sometimes be a help -- but not if you can't remember her name. And it's a good idea to check your wallet and see if you have any money left.

Here's a small sample of how I might try to do what you describe. I awake with a dull pain underlying the numbness in my right arm, and am enveloped by the stench of rotting leaves. Even before I open my eyes I know I'm not at home. The air is heavy and damp, pressing against my skin like a clammy shroud. Where am I? When I do decide to open my eyes my vision is sleep-blurred and untrustworthy. All I see are moving shapes of light and dark, of color and shadow--an indistinct, alien, jig-saw puzzle. I try to rub away the sleep fogging my vision with the fingers of my left hand (the right still feels dead and will not obey my directions), and while I do, one of the jig-saw shadows speaks.

JosephB said: I guess you'll have to use your imagination. I've awakened a number of times groggily and in an unknown location.....And it's a good idea to check your wallet and see if you have any money left. Click to expand...

Just a thought. If you want to emphasis the groggyness of the MC, why not have him slur his thoughts. I'm thinking of the way writers write the dialogue of drunks.

Just whatever you do, try not to make it read like a play-by-play. Experiment with surreal imagery, and story structure. "My mouth tastes like the underside of someone's boot. Somehow, between last night at the bar with -- what was her name? -- and this moment now, it appears I've stumbled into a world of giant, singing men. This man beside me, who I know only by the rolling, thundering sound of his voice, has no head, or if he has a head it is fuzzy and lost in the clouds. He keeps talking, on and on and on keeps talking, and his voice has this weird way of lifting into a crescendo before every pause. I don't know. My head hurts."

You have to put yourself into the point of view of the character. Consider what his senses (the five senses, plus there is one more: sense of the unknown) are telling him and write ONLY that. You are on the right track with not wanting the reader to know more than the character does, it'll help make them curious which is good! I'll mention one more thing after I write you a short example text so stay tuned! Here's how I might write this groggy awakening. I'm going to imagine a random location so this won't even resemble what you'll write other than the tense and structure. Here we go, first person, present tense. There is the smell of rubbing alcohol, sharp and distinct. My eyelids feel weighted shut, light glowing through them in a reddish-yellow assurance that at least I haven't been dumped in a dark alley. My brain is awake now, with a primal surge of adrenaline that should carry me up to standing but cold, heavy limbs disobey. A background noise, a soft intermittenet electronic chirp, comes to the forefront now as it gathers speed, the chirps closer together. The shuffle of footsteps bring warm fingers that press my arm lightly. "Ah, you're awake." A pleasant voice. I'm grateful until I smell a rush of alcohol and feel it wet my inner arm. It must be a needle that bites deep as the soothing voice speaks again. "We'll soon take care of that." Now for the additional note: The "Waking up in a strange place" approach is done a lot but still can be very effective. Put yourself in the character's place. Edit your wording down so that it is economical, that will help to convey some of the anxiety that you want. Good luck!

I'm not sure that some of these examples would portray groggy to me. Some of them are written in such precise language about clearly observed stimuli that I am getting the idea that the person has decided to lie down for a moment with his eyes closed. David it might be worth editing your post and emphasising the word groggy.

Okay, if I screwed that up write it more groggily. *sigh* Maybe fragment the thoughts (sentences) but don't do it so much that it's annoying. *wonders why I do this*

Foxee You do this because you are a kind soul who wants to help others. There aren't enough kind souls who give carefully considered comments on this site. Foxee I loved what you wrote. It was detailed, descriptive and flowed. If this came off the top of your head please never, ever tell me, cos if you do I will set fire to my computer and never write another word.

I once started a story with the protagonist waking up hungover and in a Russian prison. His first impressions came from the various sources of pain and worked down the list. A pounding headache, then a creaking dry mouth, then a tight sore belly, and so on. (Not that I have much experience with hangovers.) Only after he had taken stock of his internal state did he open his eyes. Darkness. He couldn't be sure of what he was looking at. He had to verify his surroundings by touch--a scratchy blanket, a stone wall, a steel door. He heard faint voices ... Use your imagination. That's what writers do. Put yourself in the character's place and try to think the way he would in that situation. Then put it all into words that will communicate that state of mind to the reader. Writing is simple and diabolically complex all at the same time.

dolphinlee said: Foxee You do this because you are a kind soul who wants to help others. There aren't enough kind souls who give carefully considered comments on this site. Foxee I loved what you wrote. It was detailed, descriptive and flowed. If this came off the top of your head please never, ever tell me, cos if you do I will set fire to my computer and never write another word. Click to expand...

Fir start d b for I r ad th full ost. Monitor is OK but the k yboard is missing som im ortant k ys.

Staff Deployment

If you're writing with pen and paper, use a leaky pen. Then when you're done, just smear ink everywhere now everything's all groggy and incomprehensible

Nov 3, 2012

My advice is don't start with a person awakening. It's not quite as bad as somebody waking with a hangover/amnesia or even worse, a dream sequence (wince). Never, in your first paragraph, mention the phrases 'vortex of despair' or 'blurred outline of...' Start with the MC an hour after he awoke and refer back to it. # The waitress brought the coffee. It was hot and that was all that mattered. I emptied my pockets on to the formica table top. My keys were gone. I already knew it wasn't my lucky day. I knew it an hour ago when I'd been woken by a rat washing it's face on my chest...

DavidR said: Hello, my name is David. I came across an idea for a story that stumped me, and it has lead me here. I'm trying to begin a first person narrative with my protagonist groggily waking up in an unfamiliar location. Now I understand to place myself into the character's POV and describe the story through their thoughts and feelings. Yet this is an unique case where they aren't fully conscious and I'm wondering how I can show that in a first person narrative meant to be told in the present tense. I don't want to briefly assume a third person narrative to describe their surroundings, I want both them, the protagonist AND reader to be groggy and unaware as they slowly come to visualize their situation. Such that the reader feels "they" just groggily woke up in an unfamiliar location. Thank you, Click to expand...

Read Lord Loss, first of Darren Shan's Demonata series (if you already have, read it again). After the first 'act' of the story, there's a section where the mind of the character is pretty messed up. He experiences things in a hazy, groggy fashion. It's written in first person, present tense. I think it's just the kind of storytelling you're looking for, that section of the story.

The best way to approach this is write it out, post 9 more times on the forum so you get posting privileges, and then post your excerpt for hands-on feedback. If you google Motley Press Extraordinary Rains, you find a story where I did this in third person. On the off chance that your main character is waking up after a knock-out drug, throwing up is likely to be high on the list of first things he or she does.

Honoured/Sadly Missed

qwertyman said: My advice is don't start with a person awakening. It's not quite as bad as somebody waking with a hangover/amnesia or even worse, a dream sequence (wince). Never, in your first paragraph, mention the phrases 'vortex of despair' or 'blurred outline of...' Start with the MC an hour after he awoke and refer back to it. # The waitress brought the coffee. It was hot and that was all that mattered. I emptied my pockets on to the formica table top. My keys were gone. I already knew it wasn't my lucky day. I knew it an hour ago when I'd been woken by a rat washing it's face on my chest... Click to expand...

I like cliches. If we avoided cliches all the time, they'd stop being cliches and we'd have other, new cliches to worry about. Don't worry about them. Write the story how you want to write it - then you're telling the truth. Worry about making it likeable once its all written, and all how you want it to be.

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Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

Writing someone waking up from a knockout.

Discussion in ' Plot Development ' started by Alesia , May 12, 2013 .

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); After talking to friends that have been knocked out, I already have the main points in mind like headache, dizziness, nausea, blurred vision, etc.. What I'm having trouble with is how to start the scene. I don't want to use something generic like "waking up, the first sensation was a headache." Believe it or not, I actually have the whole scene almost completely written out save for the first few sentences. Any suggestions?

Garball Banned Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); Knocked out from a physical blow? If you are unconscious for more than a few seconds, it can mean a serious problem like a major concussion. Most fighters are not knocked completely unconscious. Think of it as a reset button. The system is never powered off, but it has to most start up scripts to get back up and running. I would talk about vision coming in and out of focus, not being able to discern distinct sounds or voices, no equilibrium, confusion. Knocked out from anesthesia? Do not know. Never gone under.

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); Specifically knocked unconscious by a hard kick to the head with a steel toed biker/combat style boot during a fight. The MC has been out long enough to be drug into a room and tied up and the scene I'm trying to start begins with them waking up, what they feel/see/smell as they come to their senses and figure out what's going on. Where I'm having an issue is finding the right descriptive words to begin the chain of events without using a generic "she woke up with a bad headache."

rodney adams Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); Have your MC start talking or having an internal monologue when she wakes up. It helps to show rather than tell, and I think it would be a less awkward way to start your story. EX: Ugh... Where am I? Wow, my head hurts... My mouth. It's so sore. I taste... iron. Oh my god, is that piss? Man, that reeks! It's obviously bad, but you get the general idea.

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); I thought about that, but I wasn't sure if it was considered tacky to open a 3rd person perspective with first person thoughts.

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); Maybe you could start with a sentence talking about her coming to while in the third person, and then start her thoughts? Again, you don't have to do what I said. It's merely one route you could go.

TerraIncognita Aggressively Nice Person Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); Maybe start it by describing the physical sensations she's experiencing? I've blacked out once and nearly blacked out another time. The first time was having the wind knocked out of me and the second was from pain. Both times I remember my vision getting dim around the edges and when I came to again or fought it off the black/gray fuzzy edges receded. My visual disturbances were what I first noticed. I'm not sure if that's any help or not. I've never been knocked out due to a blow to the head.

mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); you could start it like this: A mess of monkeys were pounding on a steel door, with ballpeen hammers. Neon lights flashed on and off fast enough to send any epileptic into a seizure and the ship she was on must have just gotten sucked into a whirpool. Click to expand...

Gallowglass Contributor Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); How realistic are you aiming for here? If you're MC's out long enough to be tied up and dragged to a room, they've got brain damage. That aside, though, I'll quote a passage I've cut from my own novel that's based on my (and my friend's) experiences fighting: He blinked back at thunderstorms swarming in his mind, the disjointed haze receding to the point where he could make sense of the world around him. Though the edges of his vision flickered and danced, the centre coalesced into a graffiti-splattered garage, all twisted metal and spare parts. The letters seemed to run like fresh paint and he stumbled with every second step, but he had to reach that door Click to expand...

T.Trian Overly Pompous Bastard Supporter Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); Gallowglass said: ↑ How realistic are you aiming for here? If you're MC's out long enough to be tied up and dragged to a room, they've got brain damage. Click to expand...

foiler New Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); I used to box, and I was actually knocked out. I remember the surreal sensation when I began to come to. The first thing that crossed my mind was that I wasn't asleep in my bed. It took me a moment to realize that I was on the canvas, and I wasn't waking up normally. I didn't remember getting knocked out at all. I also remember that it seemed like my senses were coming back to me one at a time, as if my brain was going through some kind of reboot. First, my hearing came back "online", the buzz of the crowd started to register, then I opened my eyes and saw the stained canvas stretching out into the horizon. After that, I think my self-awareness started to kick in, as I began to piece together what happened - and then a numbing sensation rushed in and I heard a slight ringing in my ears. Someone was speaking to me, but I couldn't quite make out what they were saying. It seemed as if the world was underwater, everything was moving in slow motion, and all sounds were garbled like a damaged recording. It was like a fog that descended over all your senses, and gradually lifted, one sense at a time. I never wrote about that before. I hope it helped.

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); I'm of the thought that in fiction there's some suspension of disbelief. How often do we see this in films? A K.O'd person wakes up and the dialogue goes as such: K.O'd individual: "Ugh, how long was I out?" Other Individual: "Couple hours maybe." "K.O'd individual: "Oh man, my head is killing me." Gets up and walks away like nothing happened, maybe holding their head. Realistically you could explain the lack of brain damage as the person got kicked in the head and immediately rebooted, but while dazed they were drugged with some kind of tranquilizer. Although when you're dealing with biker gangs I doubt they would carry such a thing into a kidnap. Foiler: That's a pretty good description right there.

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); The first thing that crossed my mind was that I wasn't asleep in my bed. It took me a moment to realize that I was on the canvas, and I wasn't waking up normally. Click to expand...

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); The first thing that crossed my mind was that I wasn't asleep in my bed. Click to expand...

AllWrite Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); Alesia said: ↑ After talking to friends that have been knocked out Click to expand...

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); Why? I'm canvasing many sources since personally I've never been knocked unconscious.

Xatron New Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); Alesia said: ↑ Why? I'm canvasing many sources since personally I've never been knocked unconscious. Click to expand...

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); It's coming along now. The only other question I have is since this is a kidnap type scenario, when the initial confusion recedes and the individual realizes they are tied up, it's reasonable to assume the body's fight or flight response would take over and adrenaline would override and grogginess, at least for a time right?

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); Alesia said: ↑ It's coming along now. The only other question I have is since this is a kidnap type scenario, when the initial confusion recedes and the individual realizes they are tied up, it's reasonable to assume the body's fight or flight response would take over and adrenaline would override and grogginess, at least for a time right? Click to expand...

chicagoliz Contributor Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); Xatron said: ↑ I don't think so. If one wakes up tied up but alone without any sign of a captor, I don't believe there would be any adrenaline rush right away since nothing is happening right at that point to his knowledge. Click to expand...

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); chicagoliz said: ↑ I don't agree. Waking up tied up would be pretty disconcerting. Somebody obviously did this to you, even if they are not currently present. I think that it would be likely that the captor would return. Click to expand...

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); Reading over this topic, I found some novel excerpts describing people waking up from a K.O. and honestly some made me LOL. Why? Because there were quite a few that talk about the person woke up...thinks "what happened?" Paragraph or two detailing their entire day, then a man hit them in the head with a shovel. They vividly remembered their vision going black and falling to the ground. But what I can gather from here is there's no recollection of the K.O., so shouldn't it be more like the last thing they remembered was a man running toward them with a shovel?

Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); "Where am I?" has become very cliche, but in reality, it's pretty darned accurate. Trouble is, you're in no condition to vocalize it, or even think it coherently. You don't know where you are, how you got there, where you should be, what time of day it is, or why your face is scrubbing the carpet. And why is everything swaying and hissing in your ears.

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); Getting back to my original question, any suggestions for an opening line that's not utterly stupid (I/E "she woke up with a bad headache.")

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_639c800e05f7c49e0ba727a3904c318e'); }); The possibilities are almost endless -- I'd say you should go with a description of what the character is feeling as she realizes where she is and that she is tied up. Something like: Marla opened her eyes and blinked. In front of her was a white wall with a photograph of what looked like a sunrise, although she couldn't make it out for certain. Her vision was still slightly hazy. As she tried to raise her hand to wipe the sleep and hair from her eyes, she realized she couldn't move her arm.

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Describing a character's panic and confusion

I wrote the following:

When I opened my eyes, it was still dark. Half asleep, I got out of bed, and entered the bathroom. As I emptied my bladder, I checked my face in the mirror. For an instant, I couldn't recognize the person reflected in it. Only when I waved my hand and person waved back that I realized it was me. When had been the last time I'd looked at myself in the mirror? A slight headache came upon me. After flushing the toilet and washing my hands, I searched the cabinet for some painkillers only to realize there wasn't one. Right, I was in a hotel in Jade Mountain—not at home. Shaking the water off my hands, I walked across the room, but then stopped abruptly in the middle. An unsettling feeling began welling inside me. There's was something wrong in the room—but I couldn't quite tell what it was. I felt as though I had entered a house with the gas stove left on; the atmosphere was dense and strange, thought apparently invisible to my eyes. Suddenly, I realized what it was: Naomi was no longer in the room. I turned on the light and glanced around. Her purse, her clothes; all her things were still here. Everything except her shoes. My heart started pounding at a increasingly rapid pace. I checked my watch. Almost midnight. Where could she have gone at this time? I turned to look at the window. The trees were still swaying in the wind and the leaves still rustling against the ground. Quickly, I put on my jacket, my shoes, and then rushed downstairs.

Am effectively describing the character's panic and confusion? Does it feel natural and smooth?

creative-writing

if you were to introduce a monster about to break into a house. How would you do it – user19587 Commented Jul 7, 2016 at 19:43
Placed under historical lock; critiques are currently off-topic. – Goodbye Stack Exchange Commented Dec 1, 2016 at 2:13

4 Answers 4

The important thing about writing is to show, not tell. You want to draw your reader into the moment by relying on the character's senses and then walk them through the moment as if they were your character.

Here's a re-write that attempts to do that:

I opened my eyes. In the dark stillness, I couldn't see much, but the dim glow of the bedside clock and the vague shadow of the lamp next to it. Half alseep, I fumbled with the covers and stumbled to the bathroom. After emptying my bladder and flushing the toliet, I checked my reflection in the mirror. The haunted eyes and dark circles underneath them made the long, drawn-in face almost unrecognizable. I waved my hand and the person waved back. Good , I sighed, I'm still me . A dozen needles danced their way across my forehead. I searched the cabinet above the sink and didn't find much but a few small bars of soap. Right, I was in a hotel in Jade Mountain—not at home. Washing my hands, I switched off the bathroom light and waited. After my eyes adjusted to the murkiness, I glanced toward the bed. Even before my mind registered the flatness, I knew she wasn't there. Flipping on the overhead, I scanned the room. Wallet and keys peeked out from the jumbled pile that overflowed from a over-sized purse turned on its side. I glanced at the open closet near the door. Everything hung straight and level, except for a gap where her dark, leather coat should have been. I checked my watch. Almost midnight. Where could Naomi have gone at this late hour? Quickly, I put on my jacket, my shoes, and rushed downstairs.

I think it reads well. One key that helped me in writing a panicked state of a character was being told to use short sentences during that scene. You do that well and I think it helps bring that sense of urgency you are going for.

I came here from a search looking for panic facial expressions. Want to make sure I do it right. Anyway, I think that the OP needs to tweek the first couple of paragraphs or get rid if them all, jump right into were he feels that something is wrong.

You know how you can sometimes wake up in a tizzy sure that something is so very wrong? Have his heart race from the moment he wakes up, have him jump out if bed as if someone yanked him out if his dreams and dumped him into this feeling of panic.

It's wrong for anyone to rewite that for you as without meaning to they'll put their own writing style into it, you have to do this in your own style and voice. Hope you read this, I know it's an old toppic.

I'll join you in answering this old old question. There's way too much throat-clearing that gets in the way of the action. I'd rewrite that whole passage starting here: "Naomi was no longer in the room. Her purse, her clothes; all her things were still here. Everything except her shoes. It was almost midnight here in our room at the Jade Hotel. I put on my jacket and shoes and rushed downstairs with increasing worry." – Ken Mohnkern Commented Oct 26, 2016 at 20:15

How do you guys like this?

I was filled with trepidation. My heart was thumping so loud that I was sure everyone around me could hear it. In front of me, I could see my instructor’s mouth moving, words flying past my head. There was just one question popping up in my mind. What did I do to deserve this? In my logical mind I knew the water was calm, but my imagination was running wild, with rough waves tumbling angrily, pounding the shores. Also, with abundant mountains all around me, It felt like I was being cornered and trapped, with nowhere to go. A familiar voice woke me up from my reverie.

1 Hi, and welcome to Writers. This doesn't really answer the question. The OP is asking about technique, not for another example. – Lauren-Clear-Monica-Ipsum Commented Nov 30, 2016 at 12:07

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged fiction creative-writing or ask your own question .

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IMAGES

How To Write A Waking Up Scene That Works
Waking Up
When and How to Write a Character Waking Up
Creative Writing
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VIDEO

WAKiNG UP MY 15 Siblings for SCHOOL BE LIKE: 😳😅 #shorts
Waking up at 4am Naturally
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COMMENTS

When and How to Write a Character Waking Up
Instead of just telling them the character is waking up, let them wonder why the character reacts a certain way when they do get up. The act of waking up is not inherently interesting, so it is your job to present it in an interesting way. Use it as a way of emphasizing something, like your character's memories, fears, habits, and plans.
creative writing
At what point in the sleep cycle you wake up (deep sleep or REM sleep) can also have a profound impact on how clearheaded you are. If you wake up to an alarm and it's the same time every day, you're likely to be totally clear and aware as soon as you wake up (or even before the alarm goes off), even more so if you use a sleep app.
How to Describe Waking Up From a Nightmare in a Story
When someone wakes up "emotional" from a nightmare, this may be because it has tapped into fears and worries that the person has tried to suppress from their waking life. As a result, the emotions your character feels when they wake up can help give your reader an insight into their innermost thoughts and feelings. 6. Frantic Definition
creative writing
As an exercise, try writing the scene with dialog alone. See how much you can convey by choice of words and tone. Then add in the minimum amount of action required and you will have a very honestly written scene, that is probably much more interesting to read than the most poetic description of an angry person you could come up with.
How to describe waking up? : r/writing
Remember, the key to any scene, including something like waking up is for there to be some struggle. If there is no struggle, than there is no reason to write the scene. The struggle can be as simple as the main character knowing he has to do something quickly, but his body is too tired, too sore to do it. Or the struggle could be the character ...
How to Write a Wake-Up Scene
Use it if you want to put a more pronounced accent on the MC's reactions and inner thoughts. I. i. For example: Maybe the sound of someone singing in the kitchen maybe breakfast is missing. He's used to waking up to the smell of his favorite food in the morning. But the character assumes the person slept in late.
How to Describe a Character Waking Up
First, when deciding to write a character waking up, you need to know exactly why this is a description needed in your story. It is a common belief in the writing community that "waking up" scenes are to be avoided. You might wonder why exactly these types of scenes are frowned upon. ... Writing a waking-up scene as an opener in your story ...
Studying the Waking Up Scene: Is it Really That Bad?
One of the things on the common list of writing "nevers" is starting a scene with someone waking up—especially if it's the opening scene. At first glance it doesn't seem like it should be so taboo. After all, it's a clear start to a day or a situation, and it gives both readers and writers a leaping off point for the story.
How To Write A Waking Up Scene That Works
One of the many rules of writing that no one ever listens to is to not start with your character waking up. The reason is because waking up is boring. The character has a normal morning before they face the problems that will plague them throughout the rest of the book. However, Kathryn Croft's While You Were Sleeping turns those that tired ...
How to Write a Dream Sequence
End on one that best seems to fit the mood of the day. Now you have a dream sequence. If it seems inconsequential, that's good. Beware dreams of great import—unless you're writing about the Virgin Mary. Let the dream become part of the character's fabric and, thus, the fabric of the novel. Good luck and have fun.
How to wake up a character from a first person perspective?
2. I don't usually write in first person POV so, I'm only giving a suggestion. Here's what you can do. You could write a short description of a dream that character is having to start off. Then wake up the character by breaking that dream. (Something like the dream world fading or crumbling down. Depends on what kind of sleeper your character is.)
35 thoughts on " How to Describe Pain in Writing
blinded with pain. dizzy from the pain. disoriented from the pain. the pain blossomed in his midsection. the pain spread through her bowels. a wave of pain rolled through her. pain crashed through his body. he let out a gasp from the pain. she panted with pain.
waking up
waking up. - quotes and descriptions to inspire creative writing. Search entire site for waking up. I was sleeping through my life until you came along, now even in my dreams I'm waking up to your song. By Angela Abraham, @daisydescriptionari, February 24, 2021. Waking up to skies lit by the wintry sun is a sort of visual poetry.
20 Morning Writing Prompts to Jumpstart Your Day
18. Write about a memorable morning. 19. Choose a season and imagine a perfect morning in that season. Describe it. 20. Describe in detail a sensory experience of a morning, either at home or during a travel experience. A journaling practice, especially first thing in the day can start your day right.
How can one effectively depict a character waking up from a ...
Depicting a character waking up from a nightmare in writing can be a powerful and evocative scene. Here are some effective ways to portray this moment: Start with physical sensations: Begin by describing the character's physical reactions as they wake up from the nightmare. Use sensory details to convey their heightened state of fear or distress.
How to Describe a Winter Morning in a Story
How it Adds Description. Still adds to the description in the same way using quiet does but with more of a focus on the lack of motion as opposed to the lack of sound. Using still emphasizes that the rest of the world is struggling to wake up and start moving because the cold, dark morning makes them want to stay in bed where it's warm. 3. Frosty
How to Describe Someone Fainting in a Story
How it Adds Description. Alongside letting your reader know that a character has fainted, if they have "blacked out," this could also imply a loss of memory. It's up to you how important the memories and events are that the character may have forgotten! 2. Collapsing Definition. Falling or passing out due to sickness or weakness. Examples
creative writing
A bit too wordy for my taste, but that's purely subjective. I'd have to see the rest of the piece to make a better judgement. The overall imagery could work. The long, run-on sentences work well in showing fatigue, but some of it might need a bit of a clean up. For example:
Waking up in the first person narrative
Waking up in the first person narrative | Writing Forums. Writing Forums is a non-profit community managed writing environment. We provide an unlimited opportunity for writers and poets of all abilities to share their work and communicate with other writers and creative artists. We offer an experience that is safe, welcoming and friendly ...
need help describing someone sleeping and then waking up
They can simply say, "I went to sleep at eight and woke up three hours later, wide awake and anxious, and I somehow stayed awake the whole day." This is an incredibly simple thing to write. You should read books. When writing 1st or close 3rd, you want to show the experience.
creative writing
2. In one of my stories (not first person, 3PL), the hero (a woman) is knocked unconscious in a car accident. She is stuck in traffic, she sees the other car (a van) coming, she knows it is going to hit her, she instinctively tries to escape but cannot. The passage is long for something that happens quickly; describing her actions, at the last ...
Writing someone waking up from a knockout?
Creative Writing Forums - Writing Help, Writing Workshops, & Writing Community ... Where I'm having an issue is finding the right descriptive words to begin the chain of events without using a generic "she woke up with a bad headache." ... Yup. Just take a look at a bunch of KOs from boxing/K-1/UFC, and you'll notice the fighters usually wake ...
fiction
After flushing the toilet and washing my hands, I searched the cabinet for some painkillers only to realize there wasn't one. Right, I was in a hotel in Jade Mountain—not at home. Shaking the water off my hands, I walked across the room, but then stopped abruptly in the middle. An unsettling feeling began welling inside me.