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Student Opinion

Have You Ever Lost Someone as a Friend?

A Times Opinion writer laments the loss of treasured friendships from his life. Can you relate to this regret?

By Jeremy Engle

Have you ever lost touch with a good friend? If so, how did it happen? Did you move to a new neighborhood, change schools, find a new social circle — or did the two of you just drift apart?

Do you ever wonder what happened, or wish that you were still friends?

In “ The Friends Who Got Away ,” Frank Bruni laments the puzzling loss of friendships in his life:

Where did J. go? For a while there, he was such a treasured part of my life, someone I thought about frequently, someone I yearned to see, someone whose dinner company I relished, someone whose emails made me smile. I can’t remember how we met — a mutual acquaintance, I think — but after we did, I never traveled to his city without contacting him in advance and making plans to see him. And he regularly checked in on me. Until he stopped. Was that five years ago? More? And did he stop, or did I? I’m not sure. I just know that I was busy, he was busy, my travel decreased and one day I suddenly realized that we’d lost touch with each other. I also felt strangely timid about reaching out: If he wanted to hear from me, wouldn’t I have heard more recently from him? Or was he thinking the exact same thing? I wondered and wondered. Then some pressing obligation or competing anxiety tugged my attention elsewhere. Then more time went by. And here J. and I are — or, rather, aren’t. We’re onetime confidants who never had a falling out, never said a proper goodbye, simply evaporated from each other’s lives like dew from a blade of grass. I’m haunted by how many times, and with how many friends, that has happened. By how the bustle of our lives and the bustle in our heads take people away from us, though we never intended to let them go. By how unintentional, unavoidable and subtly but stubbornly sad that is. There are friends in our pasts who are there for obvious reasons. We disappointed or hurt them. They disappointed or hurt us. The relationship wasn’t healthy or ceased to be happy, and while that was unfortunate and perhaps painful, it was also clear. It demanded a change. Those friends don’t exit our thoughts, but they also don’t hover there like question marks. We understand what happened, even if we mourn it. But there are at least as many friends in our pasts for no specific reason, and the older I grow, the more that nags at me.

Students, read the entire essay and then tell us:

How important is friendship to you? Do you have many friends or just a few close ones? What does it take to make — and keep — a good friend?

Does the essay resonate with your experiences of friendship? Like Mr. Bruni, have you ever lost a friend who was a treasured part of your life? If so, what made your friendship special and why did you lose touch? Does the loss nag at you, or “hover there like question marks”?

Mr. Bruni writes, “Affection and attachment battle basic arithmetic, and arithmetic wins.” Do you agree that there are not enough “hours in a day and days in a year to tend adequately to” all the people who have meant something to you? Do you find it difficult to maintain friendships over time?

Are there people you wish you could revive friendships with? Who? Why? What are the best ways to rekindle lost friendships?

Students 13 and older in the United States and Britain, and 16 and older elsewhere, are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public and may appear in print.

Find more Student Opinion questions here. Teachers, check out this guide to learn how you can incorporate these prompts into your classroom.

Jeremy Engle joined The Learning Network as a staff editor in 2018 after spending more than 20 years as a classroom humanities and documentary-making teacher, professional developer and curriculum designer working with students and teachers across the country. More about Jeremy Engle

Narrative Essay About Losing A Friend

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Essay Samples on Friends

Why i am thankful for my friends.

My friends are the pillars of support, laughter, and companionship in my life's journey. Their unwavering presence and genuine care fill my days with joy and warmth. This essay delves into the reasons why I am deeply thankful for my friends, exploring aspects such as...

Narrating How I Met My Best Friend

How I met my best friend remains a story close to my heart, filled with unexpected twists and cherished moments. Our journey from strangers to inseparable companions epitomizes the beauty of human connections and the transformative power of friendship. This essay recounts the serendipitous encounter...

A Tale of Two Friends: A Compare and Contrast Analysis

Friendships are like intricate tapestries woven from shared experiences, laughter, and moments of vulnerability. As I reflect on the friendships that have enriched my life, two individuals stand out—distinct personalities, unique journeys, and contrasting dynamics. In this essay, I embark on a comparative journey, exploring...

Missing My Best Friend: Coping with Loss and Cherishing Memories

Missing my best friend who died is a sentiment that encapsulates the profound grief experienced when a cherished companion is no longer present. Losing a best friend is a heart-wrenching experience that leaves an indelible void in our lives. This essay delves into the complex...

Beach Vacation with Friends in Italy: Sun, Sand and La Dolce Vita

A vibrant tapestry of laughter, shared adventures, and the sun-kissed shores of Italy — the stage was set for an unforgettable beach vacation with my friends. This essay captures the essence of our idyllic getaway, where the allure of the Italian coastline intertwined with the...

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Treasuring Best Friend: A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed

Best Friend refers to a person that honours beyond more friends in your life, someone you enjoy, someone is trustworthy and the person whom you always discuss your secrets or good news. A best friend is constantly there to listen to your situations when you’re...

Relationship

Being A True Friend: A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed

It is a common fact that no human being can exist alone in the world and indeed friendships are the pearls of human lives. Friendships are mutual bonds that make our lives enjoyable. Friends are very critical for our daily lives as they help us...

The Difference Between Family And Friends In The Organizational Culture

Family is defined as a group of people that may be made up of partners, children, parents, aunts, etc. Family is what makes people who they are, as well as creates morals, personal limits, and many other things that define who you are and why...

Family Relationships
Marriage and Family

The Portrayal Of Family And Friendship Roles In Television

Television plays a very integral role in the continuous growth of our society. It has changed the way we approach the world, interact with one another, and in our relationships. In today’s contemporary society, media has become a very big part of many people’s lives....

Analysis of Bruno and Shmuel's Friendship in The Boy in The Striped Pajamas

“Friendship is just not a word, it's an emotion. Friendship is limitless. It sees no boundaries or languages, it just needs two selfless hearts to connect with each other”- (Srestha Das). Friendship is a vital recurring theme in the novel “The Boy in The Striped...

The Boy in The Striped Pajamas

The Magic of Genuine Friendship

Friendships Life is an exciting adventure when you have somebody to rely on, to go out with and have good laugh with, even better when you’re able to share secrets and life experiences, to be able to pour your heart out to that person is...

Having a Few Close Friends Is Better

Whether it is better to have many friends or a few close friends is up to everyone's point of view. Everybody can have all the friends they would like, but not everyone's a true friend of yours, people who really want to be your real...

Envy And Jealously Between Woman In Roman Fever

It is generally agreed today that Friendships, who like and dislike the same things, that is indeed true friendship. But it is true? Friendship can share everything but when it comes to what you love most, it seems that friendship is in danger of breaking...

Survival Of The Fittest

Matcha is all the rage today. In fact, this frothy and earthy powdered drink originating from Japan can be considered a staple in various countries today. With its effective dose of caffeine designed to perk up any consumer, these beverages are slowly finding its way...

You Can Choose Your Friends But Not Your Neighbors

In 2010, Prime Minister Tony Abbot echoed the voice of his predecessor Kevin Rudd in his plight for a new assessment of the resettlement policy – no one would be settled if they came by boat. Although this was a small gimmick from the electorate...

Best topics on Friends

1. Why I Am Thankful for My Friends

2. Narrating How I Met My Best Friend

3. A Tale of Two Friends: A Compare and Contrast Analysis

4. Missing My Best Friend: Coping with Loss and Cherishing Memories

5. Beach Vacation with Friends in Italy: Sun, Sand and La Dolce Vita

6. Treasuring Best Friend: A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed

7. Being A True Friend: A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed

8. The Difference Between Family And Friends In The Organizational Culture

9. The Portrayal Of Family And Friendship Roles In Television

10. Analysis of Bruno and Shmuel’s Friendship in The Boy in The Striped Pajamas

11. The Magic of Genuine Friendship

12. Having a Few Close Friends Is Better

13. Envy And Jealously Between Woman In Roman Fever

14. Survival Of The Fittest

15. You Can Choose Your Friends But Not Your Neighbors

Perseverance
Personal Experience
Personality
Spring Break
Having a Baby

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An Open Letter To The Friend I Lost

There’s no easy way to deal with friendship loss. I think we have all experienced this in our lifetime.

I contemplated sharing this for so many reasons, but I felt that some of you could relate and may need to hear this too.

Losing a friend….ouch.

Not just losing a friend, but a best friend, someone you thought would be there for you through thick and thin. This is your compadre and bestie for life. Someone you thought would be in your life until you were both old and gray.

My heart still hurts when I think about the best friend I lost.

It’s a wound that will never heal because this person will always have a special place in my heart no matter where our friendship stands.

At one point we were invested in each other’s every day lives. I knew what my friend was doing each day and I knew that no matter what, this person was always going to be in my life as I would be in hers.

In my heart and mind, our friendship was unbreakable.

I’d describe losing a friend of this level to experiencing a close death. You go through the mourning phase where all you do is cry when you think about that person and you question everything.

You sit there and you rethink every move, every step and word wondering how you got to this point.

It hurts. It’s painful. As I’m typing this, tears are welling up in my eyes.

You go through the stage of anger where you point the finger, but it’s truly all a front. Anger is just the emotion used to cover up the pain you are feeling.

I lost my friend suddenly. I felt blindsided when things escalated so quickly and spiraled into what felt like an unexplainable bad dream.

Am I to blame? Absolutely. I could have communicated better. The phone rings both ways. I should have felt confident enough in our friendship to be vocal, but my humanness got the best of me.

The ultimate price was paid, our friendship, for choosing to be silent.

I spent months, yes months, replaying and questioning everything. I spent a few meals crying into my food and I have no shame in saying that.

Kleenex? Pass em this way.

I remember the months I prayed to hear from my friend. It didn’t happen, but I kept praying her name would light up on my phone, but it didn’t happen.

I’m not going to lie, pulling away was easier than facing what I was feeling. Pulling away was actually running away from the problem and we all know that isn’t effective and it wasn’t.

I don’t take friendships lightly. I don’t take losing a friend, any friend, lightly.

When you come into my life, it’s forever. Our friendship is forever.

My friends have become my family and the people I turn to daily. I love my people and I love them hard. The thought of losing any member of my team is nearly unthinkable because I keep my circle small for reasons of my own.

I’m sorry to share that this story doesn’t end the way you probably wished. There was no magical Mary-Kate and Ashley moment where we talked it out, gave each other a hug and became best buds again.

We still live separate lives, but I know there is no ill will between the two of us.

I wish her the best. I pray for her daily and I trust God’s plan for the direction he steered our friendship.

In the meantime, I thank God for the life lessons she taught me, because there were many- too many to count. I thank God for giving me the strength I needed on the days when I didn’t feel I would ever get over this.

The truth is, I won’t ever truly be over it, but I’m able to find peace with the present and find contentment with the “now” and that is all I can ask for.

If you have experienced friendship loss, you know this feeling. I may have picked at a wound that was on the verge of healing.

My advice to you on how to deal with this type of loss:

Never forget the good times. Always speak well of the other person and never point the finger. You owe yourself a peaceful mind and heart.

About Losing a Friend: Overcoming The Loss of My Best Friend

University: North Carolina State University

About this sample

Words: 534 |

Published: Dec 27, 2022

Words: 534 | Pages: 1 | 3 min read

When my best friend broke the devastating news to me that she had a brain tumor, she was the one comforting me instead of the other way around. For the longest time, I was in denial, unable to fathom the thought of losing a friend I trusted with my life. Once the reality finally hit me, I was overwhelmed with anger and frustration, directing it at everything and everyone, even questioning God. I withdrew from everyone, unable to cope with the looming possibility of losing my dearest friend in the entire world.

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'About Losing a Friend: Overcoming The Loss of My Best Friend'

I will admit I was a little selfish and self-center in the beginning; instead of being there for her I was wallowing in self-pity. Try as I might, I will never be able to comprehend the pain and fear she must have felt. The concept of death at such a young age is hard to grasp, even for someone as mature as her; she struggled to put on a brave face for her family and friends.

At least with me, she could drop her brave façade and be vulnerable. The whole entire situation brought us even closer than before if that was even possible. The six months before she passed away felt like a gigantic, never-ending roller coaster ride. I spent every waking minute I had left with her, doing all the things we normally do and beyond. I would sleep over at her house, and we would stay up late quietly conversing about everything and nothing; it usually ends with the both of us bawling our eyes out, a cathartic experience.

When she finally passed away, I was devastated, to say the least; it did not feel right not having her by my side. I reverted to be the bitter, spiteful, and angry teen; I had no tears left so I resorted to the one thing I had in abundance: anger. Consequently, my middle school year was a rough period for me, I was in in school and in life in general.

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People always say that time heals all wounds, I did not understand what they were saying until now. As I spend more time reflecting on my past, I can see how much I have changed since she passed away. I am not the same angry little teenager anymore: I realized that the best way to honor her is to make something out of my life and be successful. When I transition to high school, I vowed to stop mourning and instead find a way to make her proud. She always loved learning so whenever I feel like giving up, I would think of her and I would have power through. She was my main motivator, always encouraging me to be the best and even now I strive to be better for her. Not only am I living for me, I must live for her too. To succeed in life, I feel like college is an important step to take. Moreover, I will do everything in my power to be a success story, just so that when I can see her again I can tell her that I lived my life to the fullest and found success.

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